Loser Moms

Announcing the Winners of FAYE: The 2nd Biggest Loser Mom Contest

2010-04-22T20:13:00.000-04:00

The grand prize winner of The 2nd Biggest Loser Mom contest is...
Andrea Shockling! And we have an additional surprise for her. In addition to getting some coin, she will also be receiving a Motiva Strapless Mio heart rate monitor watch compliments of the good folks at MIO.*

Second prize goes to Tiffany Blue, and she will be given coin, and she get a surprise too...A month's membership to Gold's Gym!

We are so excited by the progress all of you have made during the contest. And it doesn't have to stop! Sarah and I still have not made our goal weights, so we are going to start up another contest! Details will be published next week. So check back with us! Whether you lost 30 pounds,3 ounces, or nothing at all we are damn proud of you and you should be proud of yourself. Sometimes it takes a while to make that connection, so don't get frustrated if you didn't keep with the contest until the very end. Slow and steady wins the race too. We're all winners at losing!

Love,
Devra and Sarah

* MIO has also made a generous donation to Susan G. Komen Foundation in honor of our Loser Mom contestants. If you buy a pink MIO watch, 10% of the proceeds will go to Komen. Yay!

Special shout out to RoadTripMom for creating our LoserMom Award pic!

We're tallying up the final scores!

2010-04-21T19:10:00.000-04:00

Haven't forgotten you FAYErs! I'm just slow at Math and Sarah is on her elliptical. We will have the winners posted tomorrow!

Folks have asked if we will be conducting another contest after this one ends. It seems quite a few of you found your groove and want to continue grooving. We think this is totally groovy! So in answer to the question of whether we will have another round of the contest...

YES!

Not sure about the start date yet, but we'll announce it either at the end of this week or the beginning of next week.

Thank you for your continued patience. Now while you're waiting, why don't you get some cardio in?

In the spirit of the Iconic music group Europe; It's The Final Weigh-in!

2010-04-14T23:01:00.000-04:00

Okay FAYErs, it's the final weigh-in for The Second Biggest Loser Moms. Now step on the scale and yell, "FAYE all the weigh!" at the top of your lungs. And don't forget to send your weight to us.

Looking forward to the final results and announcing our grand prize champion and second place champion!

Today I walked for two miles. It felt great. My goal for this contest was to increase my exercise, and I've been steadily working toward that goal. I'll write more about all of that later this week, right now I need to get to bed. Evidently walking two miles exhausted me.

XXOO,
Devra

The 12 of Lies

2010-04-07T09:17:00.003-04:00

I'm down about 10 pounds. Which, according to fashionistas, means I am technically down a size. Okay, but really what size am I now down to? See here is what is going on in the world of retail, and has been for years, only now it's even worse than what it once was. The size is a big fat lie. Did you know depending upon the brand, or even the store, sizes of clothes may vary? Yup. More expensive lines of clothing, have been doing what is known in the industry as "vanity sizing" for eons, but now less expensive stores such as The Gap and H&M have followed in their footsteps. In simpler terms, manufacturers want people to feel good about the clothing they are buying and so they downsize the actual size. So a size 8 in a Banana Republic store, may actually be a size 10 at Target.

What is a person to do? I say fuck it. Wear what fits your body and don't even look at the size anymore. No one is a "00" it cannot physically exist, and yet you can purchase a size "00" in some stores! This is crazy talk. Don't buy into the madness. Don't get hung up on what size your clothing says it is on the tag, it's just one big lie. For every 10 pounds you drop, go buy something that fits your body. Try on all the sizes, who gives a rats ass what it says on the collar or on the waistband. You're not wearing your clothes inside out. If the label bothers you, take it out. We all know the Feds are far too busy pursuing people who remove tags from mattresses, and no one is going to bust you for taking your scissors to your Ann Taylor dress and cutting out The Lie from the back of the neck!

Size is just a number, and by the looks of it, it's not even a real number. So go buy what fits, feel good in what you are wearing. Maybe you can't afford a whole new wardrobe as you lose weight, but one pair of jeans, or a top, that fits you at the size you are, may be all the encouragement you need to keep on track and not feel discouraged. Let's take back our own vanity and not let the fashion industry tell us how to feel about ourselves!

This Might Help

2010-03-31T08:19:00.000-04:00

If you still need help getting motivated, I'm giving away a Wii and a Wii Fit Plus over on my review blog.

I'm not guaranteeing anything, but it can't hurt to try.

Weigh-In Wednesday: Good News on the Homefront

2010-03-24T08:24:00.002-04:00

I don't think I am going to win this contest, but I have great news.

For the first time in a long, long time I am under 180. Yes, this morning I was 179.

I still have a long way to go but for today I am pleased.

Don't forget to weigh in! We are only a few weeks away from the end of this!

- Sarah

The Front Lawn Diet

2010-03-19T09:16:00.002-04:00

A couple of years ago I was on the phone with my friend Laurel. See Laurel is a Girl Scout Leader, and it was cookie season. I was lamenting to her about the fact I had consumed far too many "Samoans." Yes, I realize they are technically "Samoas" but I continue to refer to them as "Samoans" because I know it drives Laurel crazy. Makes me a good friend, I know, driving her crazy on purpose. Friend of the year? YES! But back to our story...

We're on the phone and I am eating Tagalongs. Having eaten all of the Samoans, I had no choice. However, I could feel my ass expanding almost immediately with every bite. I finally thought, "Dammit, I need to get these things out of the house." So with Laurel on the phone with me, I opened the front door and threw the remainding Tagalongs onto the front lawn. In my ferver to get rid of the ~~little bastards~~ cookies, I hadn't noticed my neighbor walking his dog. While I am confident he saw me tossing my cookies, he has never brought it up, but at the same time he doesn't maintain eye contact with me all that much either.

It is once again cookie season and this morning I noticed my son had left half of a Thin Mint on the kitchen table. I decided to maintain Pie Hole Control. Grabbing the cookie, I raced to the front door, swung it open and tossed the ~~little bastard~~ cookie outside. Only it landed on our front walk. I did what any normal person would do, I walked outside, picked up the cookie and and in mid-throw something caught the corner of my eye.

My neighbor, walking his dog. I'm confident he saw me. Especially since this time I was wearing these. But I don't care because I am also confident the next time I throw those ~~little bastards~~ cookies onto my front lawn, my PJ's will be really baggy on me.

Don't Forget Weigh In Wednesday

2010-03-17T14:13:00.002-04:00

We're still here. We're just busy exercising.

Or something.

We still love you.

Don't forget to weigh in! Progress reports to come as soon as my children go back to school.

Did I say I was exercising? Ok, I lied. My twins both have strep throat. Ian lost three pounds. Can I count that?

The Numbers Game

2010-03-02T16:12:00.000-05:00

I've lost 30.8 lbs since January 9, when I unboxed the scale purchased especially for this contest, stepped on and tried not to cry. When I weighed in on January 15 for the first time officially, I was already down 9 lbs from that original scary number. (New number: still scary) I attribute that quick and sudden drop to a lot of things, but I'm fairly certain it's accurate. You see, after years of being anti-scale, relying instead on clothes sizes and family photographs to measure my successes (and failures) at weight loss, I am now totally and hopelessly committed to my little bathroom scale. I've become a full-fledged player of the numbers game.

I weigh myself daily, sometimes more than once a day, but I only record the number first thing in the morning. I'm using the Lose It! iPhone app, and I will admit to a bit of a thrill when I open it and see the steady downward slope of the weight line. I record negative changes by the ounce as they occur, but I prefer nice round numbers. Who doesn't?

But how much is too much of the numbers game?

During February's snowpocalypse I fretted over my loss of momentum and will power being stuck inside for most of a week. I gained 8 ounces in 4 days, then worked twice as hard to lose that and more to get back on track. While I have heard similar stories from everyone else on the East Coast dealing with being cooped up this winter, I've started to notice other trends in my numbers game. For example, we are going to the beach at the end of August, and I recently added up my weekly average weight loss so far (about 4 lbs) and applied that to the remaining weeks until we go (about 24) to come up with a ridiculous potential additional loss (96 lbs). When I giddily shared that aloud, my husband was quick to admonish me. Goals are one thing, but this had never been about the number for me in the past. Why was it now? (He has been incredibly complimentary and supportive, by the way. Important to note.)

I've thought a lot about this, and I think the numbers game is a product of several factors. First and foremost, it is EXCITING to see that scary number going down! I am so proud of myself, and I feel great. I posted to Twitter yesterday that there must be something about 30 lbs that just opens the door for people to notice, because all of a sudden this week people are. And that is AWESOME. But it's also the way I'm going about this that is in fact all about numbers - my weight is just one of them. I'm tracking calories, fat, protein, sodium, fiber, carbs, sugar and cholesterol with Lose It! I enter every single thing I eat into the app and record every minute of exercise. (We joined the brand new gym in our neighborhood and I go at least four times a week with a gym buddy.) I cook daily, experimenting with recipes and dutifully writing down alterations to ingredients, portions and procedures. I've cut out almost all processed foods so I'm constantly dealing with calculating the numbers from combinations of raw ingredients.

Sure, weight loss was never about the numbers for me, but it is now. And it's working. I think as long as I keep things in perspective and continue to approach it in a healthy, realistic way (i.e., no more multi-week pound projections!) I might really be on to something here. It may have taken five years, but I'm pretty confident I can finally lose that thousand or so pounds I gained when my son Avi was born. Thanks to the numbers game.

Andrea Shockling is an arts manager, designer and educator in Pittsburgh. She's also a huge hockey fan and is bummed that Sarah can't appreciate Sidney Crosby as the gifted player he is. Find her onflavors.me/aerdin

Worth It: The Inspirational Guest Post

2010-03-01T17:56:00.007-05:00

Worth It

Think back to two months ago: January 1, 2010. This was it. It would be different this time -- the start of a new decade and the start of a new you. The fitness goals were set, the determination was there, focus was rock solid. You jumped into your new fitness routine and perfect nutrition with gusto.

Fast forward to now. Slow (or no) results. Snow, snow, and more snow. The oatmeal is not hitting the spot anymore and there seem to be more reasons why you need to do drive-bys of the neighborhood Dairy Queen. The goals and focus have given way to boredom and burn out. What is the point, anyway?

That’s a good question: What IS the point? Why should you stick with this? Well, I’ll tell you the point:

You are worth it.

I was putting my kids in the minivan the other day and laughing with them while getting them buckled in. My daughter asked, “Why are you in such a good mood, Mom?” Before I could say anything she answered her own question, “Oh, you worked out, that’s why.” Nice.

After years of extensive research and experimentation, these are my tried and true formulas:

Workout + Eating Well =

Happy Mom

No Workout + Eating Crappy =

“You’d Better Do What I Say NOW ‘Cause I Just Might Bite Your Head Off” Mom

Being a mom is synonymous with giving. You are giving to the kids. Giving to the PTA. Giving to your husband. Giving to the neighborhood. Giving to work. Giving to your dog. Giving to everyone. You must give back to yourself. It’s that simple.

Regular exercise and awesome nutrition are healthy, productive ways to give back to yourself. Sure, you could sit in front of the glow late night TV, finishing off the half-gallon of ice cream and coin it as “Mom time”. However, this is undermining what you really want – time to feel like yourself again, and the energy to meet the demands that are being thrown at you from every direction.

Your kids are worth it.

Our kids are watching our every move. If we are taking the time to care for ourselves through healthy, smart food choices so will our kids. If we are carving out some time to exercise every day, so will our kids. Perhaps not immediately, but someday they will fall back on our example of health.

As a child, I would wake up early to watch The Electric Company on our old, black and white television that could only change channels if I turned the knob with my teeth. I would watch my mother silently sneak out the back door every morning to meet her running group. I also watched her eat a huge salad every day for lunch as I downed my PB&J.

I became and adult and found myself heavy and miserable. When I was ready to commit to make changes in my life, guess who looked to for guidance? Mom. Her example had always been there, I had just chosen not to follow it for quite some time. The healthy habits that were instilled in me as a child got plucked off the shelf and finally put to good use.

Your future is worth it.

I have a client who is 75 yearsold. Mrs. J has never, I’m talking, never exercised or stepped into a gym in her life. Ever. She complains about having to exercise and I finally asked if she hated this so much, why did she call me? At first she said she called me because she liked my teeth (the channel changing as a kid must not have done much damage). But then, she went on to admit she has been stubborn and stupid (her words) about fitness and knows she has no choice. She has 13 grandchildren. She is tired of being left behind and passively observing the action from the perspective of her La-Z-Boy recliner.

It is never too late. Whether you’ve had no children, one child or five. Whether you are a former college athlete or were a dedicated band geek. Whether you are 35 or 75. None of this matters. We are doing this for our life 40 years from now. We want and deserve a high quality of life now and then.

Our bodies don’t like being inactive. Our bodies don’t like eating lousy food. Our bodies let us know that by rebelling in not-so-kind ways:

Heart disease.

Osteoporosis.

High blood pressure.

Cancer.

Diabetes.

Sleep apnea.

Abdominal hernias.

Varicose veins.

Gout.

Gall bladder disease.

Respiratory problems.

Liver malfunction.

We are not just exercising and eating clean to fit into our skinny jeans, gals. Weight loss is a very welcome side effect, but we are also doing this for our overall and long term health. We don’t want to be left behind and just observe life. Now is the time to live it.

Your future is worth it.

Your kids are worth it.

You are worth it.

-- Mandi Reading is a certified personal trainer and a certified nutrition consultant. She works part-time training clients, then spends the rest of her day (and some nights) chasing after her three rascals. Check out her blog Trainer Momma at www.trainermomma.com for daily fitness and nutrition tips for mothers and their families.

Weigh-in Wednesday: I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike

2010-02-24T13:24:00.000-05:00

Send in your weigh-in result! Losermoms@Gmail.com

Did you send it? Don't read another word until it's sent.

I'll wait.

And while I wait, I'm going to go get on that lonely looking exercise bike.

I Get Knocked Down but I Get Up Again

2010-02-23T12:40:00.003-05:00

First and foremost I would like to apologize for getting a Chumbawamba song stuck in your head. I assure you that was not my intent.

My intent is to let you know that if you've gained a few pounds in the last couple of weeks you are not alone. I have fallen off of my diet wagon. I went to Houston for the Mom 2.0 Summit and there I ate a shocking amount of queso and drank my daily recommended caloric intake each day.

BUT!

And there is a big butt.

I came home and while I still may be exceeding 1400 calories a day (fine I am exceeding 1800 calories a day) I am back on my elliptical. I am drinking my water. I am not giving up, and neither should you.

Fun things are in store for the Loser Moms. I think we have a giveaway coming up as well as a motivational guest post from a personal trainer.

Sometimes we take steps backwards and it is okay. I am still in better shape than I was when we started this thing.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2010-02-14T15:23:00.020-05:00

So this is what Valentine's Day looked like at our house...

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

And I only ate half of those two pieces of candy that you see in the video which are half-eaten. I'd like to think this was my way of not being half-assed about my commitment to lose some El Bees.

Regardless of whether you observed the holiday, weekends are unstructured which usually pose challenges regarding food choices. I tend to choose Chinese food. Le Sigh.

On a positive note, those PJ's were a Chanukkah gift from the kids and they are definitely less tight than when I first put them on in December!

What about you? How did your weekend go?

Weigh in Wednesday: C'est La Vie (You Never Can Tell)

2010-02-10T07:07:00.004-05:00

My weigh-in never ceases to surprise me.

This week I worked out pretty much every day. I think I may have skipped a day, it is impossible to tell because the Snopocalypse is making my days all run together. I haven't left my house in a week.

Apparently being a shut-in also makes me eat and drink more because I was up 2.5 pounds this week.

I am a little bit discouraged but even though I am back up I feel better. I look better.

My scale can suck it.

Fitting In: A Guest Post

2010-02-08T09:14:00.002-05:00

How do you fit it in?

I've been an on and off exerciser for many years now. When I feltlike I could fit it in, I did. I would exercise for months at a time,up to three times a week. And then, work would get busy, I would have a baby, my husband's hours would pick up... whatever. And then the weather would change, the baby would start school or I would find a new gym, or pool, or something.

So how do you fit it in? How do you decide not to quit?

This time, back in September, before I started going to the first gym I could find, I thought about it. What would I do? When would I do it? What where my goals? Why do I want to do this? I thought about it for a month, maybe a little longer even. I visited more than one gym that would have been happy to have me start that day. And Ididn't sign up. Once in a while, I thought about just jumping right in, but decided not to and though a little more. How often would I go? Who would take care of the baby? What would happen when she was bigger than a baby but not in school yet?

I wanted an activity that would push me. I have tried many, many sports. I could go on and (and on and on) about each one and what about it did and did not work for me. But this time, I spent more time thinking not just about what I would enjoy this moment in time, but 6 months from now, and a year from now and three years from now.

(I decided further than that was just silly).

I started working out 4 months ago going one day a week to my gym.

And theoretically, every day (but it was really more like 3-4 additional days) I would work out at home for fifteen minutes. And sometimes that fifteen minutes took an hour due to crying babies and potty emergencies, but I would do it. And a month ago, I started to the gym twice a week. And I was thinking about upping it to three times a week but then I realized that I had stopped my fifteen minutes at home, and I should start that up again before moving to three days. Commitment and intent. But I'm hoping, that if I can keep up my fifteen minutes a day and twice a week gym commitment, I will be ready both mentally and physically to go three days a week next month. And beyond that, I can not say, but I hope a year from now, I will be going at least twice a week and spending fifteen minutes a day at home.

So the short answer, How do I fit it in? With intent.

- Natalie can also be found at Eating Local in D.C.

Changing My Mood About Food

2010-02-07T17:40:00.001-05:00

This week we had a whole helluva lot of snow dumped in our region of the country. Over two feet in our neihborhood, up to three feet in others. It was a mighty big storm. The night before it hit, my husband moved our barbeque grill (AKA Max*) into the garage. I took it as his hint to me that he might be right, and I wrong, about, you know, our power going out during the storm. I said "Nah." He said "What if?" and he was urging me to purchase a generator.
Admittedly I gave him a hard time about the generator. I even invoked his childhood in rural Colorado into my argument with "Did your family have one? How often did you use it?" And his answer of "No, we didn't have one, but we could have used it if we had" didn't win me over. No generator would be purchased on that day. I nixed the idea.

The weather gods laughed, but I couldn't hear them.

So early early Sunday morning our power went out. I apologized to my husband when I awoke later that morning and felt the chill in the air. Both from him and the lack of heat. I shouldn't have made fun of him about the generator. I thought he was awfulizing the situation. I admitted I was wrong to have laughed at his suggestion that our power might go out. But in my defense, I've been in a lot of snow storms and never lost power. Rainstorms? Yes. But not snow. I'll chalk this up to "live and learn" and we might even buy a generator when they restock the shelves. After a day without power, I learned something surprising about how I have been stuck in a bad mood about winter food.

Winter cooking, for me, has always translated to big pots of soup, slowcooker cooking, meat and potatoes, gooey warm cinnamon rolls. Stuff that is rich and heavy. I seem to eschew anything cold, anything resembling a salad. I turn away from tomatoes in the grocery store because I fear they will be bland and grainy. I skip melons, I ignore berries. But is it really necessary? Why do I have to eat the big vats of comfort foods? Maybe I should pay a little extra for the vine ripened tomatoes and enjoy them? If it keeps me from packing on the pounds during winter, then maybe it would be a worthwhile investment. Every winter when I pack on the pounds I get grumpy as I make my way (weigh?!) into the Spring.

As I stood over the hotdogs grilling for lunch (all beef, reduced fat) and later the hamburgers (90% lean) I had an epiphany. It doesn't have to be summer in order for me to make healthier eating choices and I actually decided I had been allowing myself a "pass" on gaining weight in the winter because it is winter. I was using winter as a justification for weight gain.

As I sat down for dinner with my family last night, I looked at the happy faces enjoying the burgers and thought they love summer too, why not bring summer into our lives all year 'round?

Here is a recipe my whole family lives on during the summer, and I'm going to make this sucker next week. It is from My Stolen Cookbook (or more commonly known as The Creme De Colorado Cookbook). All of the ingredients can be purchased in the dead of winter easily.

Grilled Sesame Chicken: 4-6 servings
Marinade:
1/2 cup olive oil
1/2 cup white wine
1/2 cup soy sauce
1-2 tablespoon freshly grated ginger
1 tablespoon dry mustard (I prefer Coleman's)
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
4 cloves garlic, crushed
1/2 cup chopped green onions
3 tablespoons sesame seeds
2 whole chickens quartered (or you can just use a lot of chicken breasts)

Combine marinade ingredients in a large ziplock bag. Add chicken. Squeeze out air and seal. Marinate in refridgerator for 4-8 hours. Remove chicken, reserving marinade. Grill over medium-hot coals or if using a gas grill, low to medium heat for 15-20 minutes or until chicken juice runs clear and it is cooked. Baste frequently with reserved marinade

Feel free to add your own favorites in the comments. Let's get some more Loser Mom recipes on the radar. Maybe more of you will join me in my mood swing!

*As far back as I can remember we have always had Weber grills in our family. My father loves his Kettle grill, we now have a gas Weber. Being the daughter of not one, but two sociologists, I cannot help but name our grill Max, after the famed sociologist Max Weber. I know, it's a sickness.

Weigh In Wednesday: It Goes to Show You Never Can Tell

2010-02-03T08:34:00.003-05:00

I spent the weekend at my mom and dad's house with beer and Doritos.

I'm not proud of myself. I have foods that I cannot control myself around: bacon, brownies, Tootsie Rolls and Doritos. I cannot keep Doritos in my house but my mom buys them for the kids and then I eat them.

Oh, it gets worse.

Since I drove to Florida with two five year olds - 13 hours both ways - there was crappy fast food to be eaten.

Here is the interesting thing, fast food doesn't even taste good anymore. I thought I would miss it, but as it turns out some of those burgers are really, really gross.

But I ate it anyway.

T.M.I. WARNING

The silver lining to the whole fast food thing is that all that grease gave me horrible intestinal distress. While I don't recommend trying this at home (or on the road) I did lose two pound this week.

I know, the irony is killing me.

The real truth of the matter is that I think all of the exercise is finally working. My belly is decidedly less disgusting even though I haven't even lost six whole pounds yet.

Some of you people are kicking my ass in this contest, but I am still pleased with my progress so far.

Keep sending in your weights and guests post, so far this contest has been a huge success.

Love,

Sarah

ps - Clearly not my scale. I haven't weighed 124 since sixth grade and my toenails don't look that nice.

I Need a Pep Talk

2010-02-02T10:26:00.000-05:00

Hi, sister friends. I'm trying to win this shebang this time around. I signed up for the Biggest Loser Moms contest last time too, and ended up gaining something like seven pounds over the past four months. I totally half-assed it. (Or really, I one and a half assed it, considering my weight gain.)

This time I'm taking it seriously. I need this. I need it for my self esteem and my mental health. And probably my actual health too, but whatever. I am here to KILL THIS. I don't care if I lose the prize, because my prize is a substantial start on weight loss.

But here's the thing. We're heading into the third weigh in, and after a disappointing week and a great week, we've arrived at the I-want-to-kill-myself week. Because I seem to have gained weight from last week, bringing me to just one pound under my start weight.

Normally, I'd be all, "Yep. That's sucks." And then I would go eat a batch of cookies and forget I was part of this contest. But not this time. This time I want to know: What? the? FUCK?!?!

Here's why:

* I cut out my daily morning brownie.

* I eat waaaay fewer calories than I used to.

* I have been working really hard at exercising. I'm doing the couch to 5k three times a week and I'm trying to get in a Wii Fit or EA Active Wii workout six days a week on top of that. And I'm doing it. I am actually working out once or twice a day for a total of an hour.

* I've been drinking more water.

* I've been eating vegetables.

* I've cut down on my evening snacking.

I'm doing everything right. So what am I doing so wrong?

Stimey can be found grumbling into her salad at Stimeyland.

Please Don't Call It A Cake Walk

2010-02-01T10:50:00.001-05:00

How come I am so talented at effortlessly gaining weight but losing it takes a lot of planning on my part? I can stare down a piece of cake and almost instantaneously gain a pound. I don't have to get on the elliptical for an hour to gain that pound. Losing that same pound? Oh hell. It takes a month and I have to think about it constantly.

This sucks. I know I need to work past the anger and frustration. And while I know there is "no easy way" to do this, I can't help but resent that gaining this weight seemed like a piece of cake.

Or maybe a few pieces of cake. Dammit.

You Know What Day it Is

2010-01-27T08:46:00.003-05:00

That's right. It is Weigh In Wednesday!

I cannot speak for all of us, but I am down .5 lbs.

Half a pound.

Not great, but it is progress and that is how I am choosing to look at it. Besides, I know that even though I am only down 1.5 pounds total my belly is less disgusting already and even my husband said he could see my body shape changing.

Slowly but surely.

I may not take all of your money, but I sure will look good not doing so.

Ugh. It is too early for me to try to spin clever phrases.

And listen, if you are feeling bad about only losing one pound, go in your pantry and take a look at what a one pound bag of flour or rice looks like.

Feel better?

Good luck losers!

Once Upon a Time (A Guest Post)

2010-01-21T02:36:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time I wore a size 4. Really, when I was in high school I was very slender. I wasn't an athlete, but I danced and did marching band and occasionally ran for exercise. I went up to a healthy and more realistic size 6 during college but didn't put on a bunch of weight then. It wasn't until after college that I picked up some bad eating habits and my exercise dropped off, and that's when the weight started to slowly creep on. It was a sneaky devil, only a pound here and there, until one morning I didn't recognize the person looking back at me in the mirror. Something had to go.

Amazingly the weight came off easier than I expected. I had a few starts and stops, but eventually lost 55 pounds and managed to keep it off with healthy eating and bicycle commuting.

Then I took a new job, one with long hours and a long commute, almost two hours each way. I loved the project I worked on but my body didn't love the demands and 15 pounds crept back on. About nine months after starting that job I got pregnant and my thyroid started misbehaving, and it was all downhill from there. During my last pregnancy in 2006 I was diagnosed with a nasty stomach disorder, and unfortunately the medication to treat it can cause weight gain, the absolute last thing I need. So I've been losing the same 10 pounds over and over and over for five years, and despite exercise and eating right, for the most part, I have not been able to get past that plateau to get back to a healthy weight.

Then last week in a completely unexpected development, I broke that through the plateau. As I stared at the scale I couldn't believe my eyes, and I stepped on and off about a dozen times to make sure it wasn't a mirage. Then I did a little happy dance. I've still got a ways to go before I reach my goal, but seeing that number on the scale gave me more hope than I've had in a long time.

Andrea is a forty-something mom to three young boys, and her favorite healthy activities are biking/spinning, yoga, and Pilates. She writes about cooking, edible gardening and occasional delicious travel stories at Andrea Meyers: cooking, gardening, & four hungry guys.

Weigh in Wednesday

2010-01-20T07:49:00.004-05:00

I lost one pound. It isn't earth shattering, but it is something. It also means I'll spend all day entering your new numbers into my spreadsheet so I will be too busy to eat.

Please don't forget to send your new and improved weights to losermoms@gmail.com.

It is our second weigh in Wednesday!

True Lies

2010-01-15T19:11:00.000-05:00

Reflecting back on the past two days I think I've done alright. I"ve lost 40 pounds, I'm not a bit hungry and I find Bran Buds and Celery entirely satisfying. 8 glasses of water? Easily down the hatch. No problem. I am up to 7 hours a day on my elliptical and I feel awesome!

And if you read that first paragraph really fast you can count it as cardio. HA!

The first few days of a new routine suck. I have increased my water intake. This means we're going to need more toilet paper. That's how it is. Really.

What's happening with all of you? How have the past couple of days been?

In Defense of the "Before" Picture

2010-01-13T23:33:00.000-05:00

I'm going to take a stab in the dark and guess that most of us are none too happy about having our pictures taken. Honestly, no one who wants to lose a noticeable amount of weight wants their "fat face" documented.

But I'm here to tell you that you should. In fact, I want you to go RIGHT NOW and take just about the least flattering self portrait you can imagine.

It's time for your "before" shot.

The first reason you need to do this is because you need a reality check. If you're like me, and have avoided being in front of the camera as much as possible, and have no full-length mirrors in the house... you need to know. You need to see where you are right now. For some people, it might be a little disappointing. For some of us, it might be an intensely harsh slap in the face. Welcome to rock bottom. It sucks there. But now you know. You need to know.

Here's what I know: on August 17, 2009, I weighed 226 pounds. I'm 5'5" on a good day. Two. hundred. twenty. six. pounds. This is how I walked around for the two years following the birth of my children. I hate this picture (and what it represents) with the heat of 1,000 suns. But I took it. I needed to see that. I needed to understand where I was.

OK, so now you've got your motivation. You can make it the desktop on your computer, post it on your blog or your refrigerator, or just let it sit on your computer. You know it's there.

The other reason you need to take that shot, though, is so that you can see your own progress. Weight loss can be achingly slow, the changes subtle. And if, like me, you've got an awfully long way to go, it can feel like you'll never make it. That's why, once you're down 5 or 10 pounds (or some other portion of your longer-term goal), you have to take another one. Preferably in the same clothes. And then you need to take those two pictures and hold them next to each other. Lo and behold, progress!

Here's me, six weeks in and 10 pounds down. You see, I still felt plenty "fat" after six weeks. And 10 felt like such a tiny fraction of my overall goal. And yet, it was heartening to look at these two shots side-by-side and see changes.

A few guidelines for your "before" picture:
- Do not wear a big t-shirt and baggy sweatpants. If you want to see the pudge go down, you have to see where it is in the first place. Wear something form-fitting, probably something that's a little too snug to wear out of the house at the moment. That includes whatever you're wearing on your legs. If you're feeling really bold, take a picture in your sports bra.
- Get as close to a full-body shot as you can. Find a full-length mirror (maybe it's in the back of your closet somewhere?) and stand back so you get the full effect. A side-view is a good idea, too.
- The photo self portrait can be tricky. Make sure you look at the camera's reflection, not your own. Or get a trusted friend/spouse to take it for you.

And here I am, today. Five months in. 26 pounds down. Ready to kick ass and take all of your money!

Thanks Liz for the awesome guest post! You can always find Liz over at her site Goddess in Progress.

Today is the Day!

2010-01-13T08:22:00.004-05:00

Alright, it has begun.

There has been some confusion so I will try to make sense today. This is all you need to do.

1) Make sure you entered by sending $10 via paypal to losermoms@gmail.com

2) Weigh yourself every Wednesday. Ideally this would be at the same time each week. Please try to wear approximately the same thing each week. Every Wednesday send your progress to losermoms@gmail.com . This is on the honor system. Please don't cheat.

We will not publish your weight. We may be unusual but we are not cruel.

3) Do whatever it is you do to drop the weight.

4) Talk trash in the comments.

Okay, steps three and four are optional, but they will help you get the most out of our little contest.

We welcome guest posts and pictures but neither are required.

You can also follow us on twitter @losermoms . Our hashtag is #losermoms. If you tweet that you are participating I will follow you back and add you to our list. If I don't please DM me and I will remember.

Any questions? Leave a comment, DM us on twitter or send an e-mail to losermoms@gmail.com.

For those of you who we have confused (and also due to popular demand) the two prizes will be as follows - 1 prize for the person who loses the most weight and 1 prize for the person who loses the largest percentage of their body weight.

Seem fair?

Our final weigh in will be Wednesday, April 7th.

Good luck to everyone and FAYE.

Let the wild rumpus start!

Last Dance, Last Chance

2010-01-12T13:38:00.003-05:00

Okay people. This is your last chance to sign up.

For those of you that are already signed up today is your last chance to eat.

I just had some chocolate.

That being said, I've already stopped drinking (beer and wine, I still do water and coffee) Monday through Thursday. It might not sound like much, but if you know me this is a huge deal.

If I can do that, you can throw your $10 in the pot and give it the old college try right?

We've got over 35 participants already. The winner of this contest is going to win a serious chuck of change.

Bring it on!

We will see you tomorrow.

Scale Rider

2010-01-10T16:37:00.004-05:00

MammaLoves left a commment on Sarah's previous post:

"You know this means I have to go out and actually purchase a scale, don't you."

Guess what? I need a new scale too. I've purchased many in my lifetime and never found one I liked all that much. I guess it would be easy to blame the scale for telling me things I don't want to know, like I weigh more than I thought I did. Damn scale. Truth teller. Condemning me for my love triangle with these guys.

I've had both digital and the kind with the needle that goes around. (Is that called analogue? My husband and I just had about a 5 minute debate about it. Still no answer.) The problem I've had with digital scales is they tend to record my weight differently each time I hop on. This causes me to step off and on the scale a few times and attempt to average my weight after three attempts. The hopping on and off does not raise my heart rate and I can't count it as cardio, plus it makes me do math. I hate both. Math and Cardio.

The scale with the watch face (what the hell do you call it?) I'm never sure if I get the cheap-o one if that one will be accurate. I'm not sure I even know why I feel as if the mechanical (that's still not the correct term Is it?) one has to be expensive for it to be accurate. Do the less expensive ones do the job and last? I have no idea. The expensive scales seem really big and might take up the entire square footage of my bathroom.

For those of you who have a scale, or purchased one recently:

What kind did you get? Digital or the manual? (that just sounds wrong. Is it?)

Do you like it?
Where did you purchase it?
How much did it cost?

Devra

Are You Ready to Rumble?

2010-01-06T11:25:00.003-05:00

You people are awesome. We already have over 25 people signed up for our second Biggest Loser Mom Contest. This means the winner will probably be taking home over $150.

Not too shabby.

I just wanted to clear up a couple of things:

1) I think we will do our weigh-ins on Wednesdays. Devra and I were talking about it and smack in the middle of the week seems fair. Plus the Weigh-in Wednesday has a nice ring to it.

We don't really care when you weigh in on a Wednesday, we just want you to weigh yourself at the same time each Wednesday and preferably wear the same thing. If that sounds complicated just weigh in in underwear or naked. I personally will be wearing clothes since I will be posting pictures.

2) Anybody is welcome to guest post here. In fact, we encourage it. Tell us about your loser journey.

3) You don't have to be a mother to participate. Hell, you don't even have to be female. You just have to pony up your $10 and be honest.

4) E-mail your weight each Wednesday to losermoms@gmail.com. We will not share your weight with anyone. Only Devra and I have the password to this e-mail. We are not cruel, just unusual.

5) Invite your friends. We still have time and the more the merrier!

Bring it on!

- Sarah

SIGN UP NOW For The Biggest Loser Moms 2nd Contest

2010-01-02T20:12:00.025-05:00

Okay everyone. We have a new contest, it's going even longer and it comes with it's own battle cry for which we can all thank Stimey (pictured on my left, your right. Only she isn't wearing an innertube under her blouse. I am. Ahem.). Given that improving grammar is not on my list of New Year resolutions, I am just going to ignore any issues with that first sentence and continue on. Again, I am defying grammatical protocol and ending a sentence in a preposition. Let me remind all y'all this isn't a grammar blog.

Which is a fabulous segue (and yes, this still is a blog where we will throw in gratuitous SAT words from time to time) into our 2nd Edition contest. The rules are the same as our first contest. The contest dates are from January 10th until April 10th. It just so happens that April 11th is my birthday, it's a coincidence people, not a dastardly plan for me to be able to eat copious amounts of cake and ice cream.

Whose in? Or who's in? Remember, no grammar police. Although we do acknowledge that some of you may not be comfy with announcing to your friends and family, "I'm doing The 2nd Biggest Loser Moms Fuck All Y'all Edition" so for you people, we suggest the acronym "F.A.Y.E." Sarah and I have even made it easier for you to win. We've gained about 10 pounds between the two of us already, although we like to think of it as bulking up for the winter. Spring will be here before we know it, so let's get going, let's shed the poundage together!

Sign up for The 2nd Biggest Loser Moms Contest (aka FAYE) right now!

Rules are simple. Because if they are complicated we'll just give up, drink beer and eat icecream.

Length of Contest: Begins January 13, 2010 Ends April 10, 2010

Entry fee: $10.00 per participant. Contest is open to anyone over the age of 18 who wants to participate. Entry fees will be kept in a PayPal account which will then be used as prize money for the two winners. All monies collected will be distributed to winners, no money will be kept by Sarah or Devra (unless of course we win the contest fair and square.)

Liability: None for us. You participate of your own free will, medical clearance is your responsibility. Basically we're holding the contest, but participation is at your own risk. Think of this declaration as being similar to the sign you see in restaurants stating they aren't responsible for any articles of clothing left at the establishment.

Weigh-in: Weekly. Weigh yourself on the same scale at the same time of day, wearing the same clothes for each weekly weigh-in. Loss will be measured in pounds. Once everyone is signed up, we will create a Google Doc contestants can access and enter our weekly weight.

Awarding of Prizes: The week of April 10th when the contest officially ends. Two prizes will be awarded, with first prize going to the person who has the highest percentage of weight loss, and second prize to the next highest percentage of weight loss.

* The contest is named for our site "Loser Moms" there is no requirement that participants be moms. All are welcome!

Our PayPal button is tempermental, if you can't access the page, please send payment to LoserMoms@Gmail.com via PayPal.

It's Not The Food, Its The Sofa

2009-12-15T11:34:00.000-05:00

I tell you it is a magnet. The pull on this sofa is amazing. Once my ass connects with it, well I'm a goner. Sure I sit and consider how I could exercise instead of sit. But somehow the magnetic field of the sofa interferes with the synapse of my brain and the connection between getting off of the sofa and onto the elliptical just doesn't occur. I think I may have redefined "vegetative state" as the act of eating carrot sticks while on a sofa. If anyone needs an intervention, it might be me. Why don't we go through the possible signs and we can see?

DSM-IV Sofa Abuse Criteria
Sofa dependence is defined as a maladaptive pattern of sofa use leading to clinically significant
impairment or distress as manifested by one (or more) of the following, occurring within a 12-month period:

1. Recurrent sofa use resulting in a failure to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, or home (such as repeated absences or poor work performance related to sofa use; sofa-related absences,suspensions, or expulsions from school; or neglect of children or household).

Technically I use the sofa daily. There are long stretches in the day when I am not using it and don't even think about using it. I have never tried to sneak the sofa into a meeting, or take it to my children's school. I admit home use is more of a challenge due to the sofa always being in the house. "MAYBE."

2. Recurrent sofa use in situations in which it is physically hazardous (such as driving an automobile or operating a machine when impaired by sofa use)

Our sofa is large and its shape precludes it from fitting inside our mini-van. The coffeemaker is in the kitchen and I have made no attempts to bring it into the living room to operate on the sofa. I think I am safe at answering this one "NO."

3. Recurrent sofa-related legal problems (such as arrests for sofa related disorderly conduct)

To the best of my knowledge it's not illegal to fall asleep on the sofa two nights in a row. No one has ever served me a subpoena whilst I have been sitting on the sofa. Resounding"NO."

4. Continued sofa use despite having persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems caused or exacerbated by the effects of the sofa (for example, arguments with spouse about consequences of intoxication and physical fights).

While it shames me to admit this, I have at times DVR'd over other people's selected programs. This has caused some discord in our family when, for example, the recording of Ghost Hunters has been cancelled in favor of Spit Ends. While we haven't had any knock-down-drag-outs about it (Hello? That might mean I would have to get off the sofa.) Words have been exchanged and they aren't ones oft shared in polite society. "YES."

Hello, my name is Devra, and I am a sofaholic.

Which leads me to ask, "What up with that?" and why can't I be stronger than my sofa? What stops me from watching The People's Court, Judge Judy and everything ever aired on BravoTV,while on the elliptical? I can! Why won't I? I know I should. I think about it constantly.
Let me assure you, in case you have been somehow misled, rumination does not count as cardio. Even I am not in denial about that.

I can't just throw the sofa out. Nor can my family hide it from me. I suppose I could avoid the living room, but eventually we will have other people over and they should be able to use the sofa while guests in our home. I may be rationalizing that.

12 Step Program? I need something more like a 10,000 step program.

Now I just need to find myself a sponsor.

Some Things Taste as Good as Skinny Feels

2009-12-14T14:18:00.000-05:00

This post was originally written for and posted on Sarah and the Goon Squad.

* * *

Recently Kate Moss told interviewer Brid Costello that one of her mottoes is "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

My first reaction was to recite that to myself 800 times a day and see if it worked. I've been having a lot of trouble getting motivated to lose weight in the last couple of years. I thought maybe this would help.

Instead, it just made me realize how wrong she was. Here is a short list of reasons why Kate Moss is wrong.

beer

Doritos

Pringles sour cream and onion chips

bacon

bagels

a bloody mary

macaroni and cheese

foie gras

french fries

Anything from Five Guys

brownies

fresh strawberries

cheese steak

fried rice

burritos

beef stroganoff

wine

pizza

fried chicken

See? Those are just off the top of my head. I didn't even put any real thought in to that list. Just think if I had more time to expand!

Then I read this.

“Kate Moss’s comments are likely to cause many more. If you read any of the pro-anorexia websites, they go crazy for quotes like this.”

The slogan is adopted on various websites, including one called Starving For Control.

Green, 22, who is a size 12, added: “Millions of girls aspire to be like Kate Moss. These comments are shocking and irresponsible.”

Wait a second. Pro-Anorexia websites? There are multiple websites that support a disease?

What is this world coming to? Are there pro-polio websites? Are people hoping to successfully become alcoholics? Do we need websites to help us get sick?

Getting back to Kate's motto, maybe I'm not the best judge of what being skinny feels like. The last time I was truly "skinny" I was recovering from mono, so to me skinny feels like a really bad sore throat and dying. I'm sure it feels different to her. Maybe to her it feels like millions of dollars.

I have no personal reference to how millions of dollars feels, but I bet it is pretty awesome.

It just seems to me like in this day and age (the day and age where I just became my grandmother by using that phrase) where even France has banned runway models that are too skinny and young girls are dying every day from anorexia we could try to promote more healthy concepts than "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels".

And in that top picture at least, skinny actually looks sort of painful.

I am trying to raise a daughter over here. I would love it if she can be spared the weight issues and self-esteem bullshit I have been dealing with since I was 12.

Inspiration

2009-12-12T09:15:00.005-05:00

Kris wrote an amazing post about joining Weight Watchers on her site, Not a Girl, Not Yet a Wino.

I love Kris for many reasons not the least of which is that she is an amazing writer.

And if you are reading this blog I am guessing you can relate to this post the way that I can.

She called it Weighing Matters and you should read it.

Kris and I at BlogHer '07 in Chicago. I can't speak for her, but I was easily 20 pounds lighter here.

Hi-Yah!

2009-12-09T14:59:00.007-05:00

You will never guess what I did.

I signed up for Tae Kwon Do.

Well, I was tricked into signing up for Tae Kwon Do.

Let me back up a little bit.

My five year old son has been dying to take Tae Kwon Do ever since he found out that his best friend at preschool was taking it. I finally got around to signing him up for it a couple of weeks ago.

There was a special where you got your first four lessons and a do-bok (that is how you say little white outfit in Korean) for $79. It isn't cheap, but he was all about it and my husband and I both thought he would get a lot out of it especially in the area of body control.

You know how little boys are always running in to things.

After two lessons (which he adored) his twin sister decided that she might like it too. So I signed her up.

Last Tuesday I took them in for his fourth lesson and her second lesson. Before the class even started I was whisked in to the office where the Master sat - not one of the underling masters but The Master, the main man, the guy that owns the joint.

It was time for the hard sell.

I don't have the exact figures but signing the two of them up for a year came to somewhere around one million dollars.

Okay, it was significantly less than one million but also significantly more than I had in my bank account. In fact, thinking about it makes me want to vomit, but I know it was the right thing to do. Both children love it, it is marvelous exercise and a lot of their friends from school are in there.

Then The Master says to me "What about you?"

I am thinking: There is no fucking way. There are like four other adults here in the kids classes and they all look like gigantic tool bags. The last thing I need to do is spend another $800 to look like an asshole.

My subconscious has a filthy mouth.

I am saying "No. I really can't afford it."

Then The Master drop the bomb. "I will give you one year for free if you take the class with the children. It helps them learn at home and stay involved."

Oh Shit. I think. How can I turn down a year of free Tae Kwon Do? This would actually give me something to write about on Loser Moms.

The Master said that he would give me the free year, but I actually had to show up. If I didn't actually take the classes he was going to charge me.

So I said yes.

But I was scared.

Really. I didn't want to do it. My kids were through the roof excited, but I was very apprehensive.

I didn't want to look like an idiot.

What if I sucked at it?

What if it was hard?

What if all of the five year old were better than me?

But I had committed to this.

So yesterday I had my first lesson. It was awkward. I had no idea what the lady was saying. Some other parents I knew were there watching their children. But when we broke up in to groups I knew everybody in my group. It was me, Ian (5), Claudia (5), Paige (5) and Emma (6).

I think I probably did look like a tool, but it was kind of fun.

And I wasn't too bad at it.

And Emma's mom was really nice about it. She gave me a thumbs up and everything.

So yeah.

My name is Sarah and I am a white belt in Tae Kwon Do.

***

Cross-Posted on Sarah and the Goon Squad

What is Up With My Neighbors?

2009-12-08T12:24:00.010-05:00

If you follow my personal blog at all you may have noticed that I have an interesting neighborhood. My old next door neighbor has been spotted mowing the lawn in a skirt and at other times she was in the yard with no pants on at all. There is also a lady in my neighborhood who walks around carrying a bird in a cage.

This year a whole bunch of new people moved in with little kids and I am thrilled. They are all so nice! But there is a problem.

They keep bringing me cookies.

Home made cookies.

Delicious cookies.

This is SO NICE. I appreciate that a million times more than the one that used to come over and tell me that I needed to trim the tree in my side yard or homeless people would come live under it.

The problem is that I keep eating the cookies.

I have been working on this. I have been on my elliptical at least three times a week. I have been walking with another neighbor. I have been drinking less and eating healthier.

You know, except for all of these cookies.

I love you my neighbors and I think it is very sweet of you to bring me cookies.

But if you really loved me you would bring me some Fen-Phen and a picture of me in a bathing suit because those are two things that I KNOW will help me lose weight.

And The Winners Are....

2009-11-18T09:45:00.005-05:00

Not Sarah nor me. This much I can tell you right this minute. Evidently we're bulking up for winter at the moment. Our own girthday party aside, we are incredibly proud and happy to announce the winners of the first The Biggest Loser Mom Contest!

So without further ado, please put your hands together (put down the burger if you have to) for these two amazing women who stuck with their plan and lost the highest percent of body mass:

Grand Prize Winner ($100.00): Natalie S
Second Prize Winner (60.00): Goddess In Progress

Please join us again on January 2, 2010 when we will kick off the Second Round of The Biggest Loser Mom Contest. Stimey has given us a most excellent name for it too.

The 2nd Biggest Loser Mom Contest: Fuck All Y'all Edition.

Sign ups begin now! Same Paypal instructions as last time. 10 bucks to join us on our quest to be healthier women in 2010!

There Will Be a Winner

2009-11-03T15:52:00.004-05:00

We didn't forget about you. The winners will be announced. We just are really terribly disorganized, and our submissions are all over the place.

Feel free to leave your answers here again or we will figure it all out somehow tomorrow.

Then on to round 2.

Until then, just back away slowly from the Halloween candy.

The End Is Here

2009-10-15T20:19:00.007-04:00

Okay all of you Losers, our first season of The Biggest Loser Mom will end tonight at midnight EST. If you have any last minute losing to do, now is the time. Tomorrow morning you need to either email or leave your loss in the comments so we can figure out who are winners are. Also, please submit a "before" and "after" pic so we can post em.

Sarah and I figure we can just take one picture which will represent both. This picture was taken "before." As for "after?" We look about the same minus the hats. But you gals? You are the stars of our show!

That's right, you guys (technically gals) are the winners and we are the true losers having lost our own damn contest. But that's okay. You see the point wasn't just for this contest to be about us, it was supposed to empower you.

And we are delighted with the results. Not only did we get to know one another a little better, we had guest posters and people supporting one another.

So get your stats to us about your progress. We will name a winner and a first runner up.

And for those of you, like Sarah and me, who may not have won anything by losing, we're going to start up the new season of The Biggest Loser Mom when Sarah gets back from her second honeymoon. So stick around and join us for the next season beginning the week of October 26th.

And this time, Sarah and I will kick all of your collective ass.

Jillian Michaels is Trying to Kill Me

2009-09-30T14:44:00.004-04:00

Jillian Michaels is Trying to Kill Me

Or, how I gained new found respect for the contestants on the Biggest Loser.

A guest post by our friend, fellow twin mom and Biggest Loser Mom contestant, Liz from Goddess in Progress.

* * *

I'm a fan of The Biggest Loser. I think it's amazing and inspirational to see what people are capable of doing. Like any "reality" show, there is plenty of inserted drama, and I always DVR over the too-obvious product placements. But still, I love it.

I will admit, however, to scoffing at the scenes when the contestants break down in tears, begging Jillian to let them take a break, swearing up and down that they are going to die. "Yeah right," I think. "Get over it. Jillian isn't actually going to let you die."

I think I might be wrong.

This morning, I tried her 30-Day Shred DVD for the first time. Now, while I am out of shape and overweight, I am not a stranger to exercise. I completed the EA Sports 30 Day Challenge, which was definitely real exertion. I went to the gym just yesterday and did 40 sweaty minutes on the elliptical. I am not completely sedentary. But I got about two-thirds of the way through the Level 1 Workout (complete with beginner modifications), and I could not breathe. Seriously, I had to wake up my husband to find out where he keeps his inhaler, and I am not the asthmatic in the family. I couldn't make it 20 minutes with Jillian on a DVD. Yet I watch 400-pound people have her all up in their face, and know that they're doing it for six hours a day. I will never call any of them whiny, ever again. (Or, at least, not when they're protesting the workouts.)

I had heard about what an ass-kicker this DVD can be. I've jumped on the Shredhead bandwagon and signed up for their October Challenge. I was ready for my legs to be sore (they are) and for my arms to be like jello (they are). I was not prepared for the fact that I could not even complete the first workout. It's a good thing I was in the living room by myself, because it was downright embarrassing.

And yet... I'm finding the competition and mob mentality of these group challenges, like here on Loser Moms or over at Shredheads, to be a welcome external source of motivation. I definitely have a competitive side, and so any time I consider falling off the wagon, a little voice screams "but I want to WIN!" And though that voice has some serious crazy in it, I'm listening. Hell, I'm down nearly 10 pounds, it can't be all wrong.

And Jillian, you crazy bitch you... I'll see you again on Friday.

Liz is a stay-at-home mom to twin toddlers, which is not so much the guarantee of exercise and weight loss as some people suggested that it would be. It kicks her ass in entirely different ways, which she writes about at Goddess in Progress, and at How Do You Do It?, a blog for moms of multiples. She also writes about her (entirely sedentary, hrm) quilting obsession at Teeny Tiny Quilts, and figures that stress-fabric-buying is better for her waistline than stress-eating.

Stimey Lays Out Her Dieting Options

2009-09-17T11:03:00.002-04:00

Hey! Another guest post. You guys rule. Please welcome one of my favorite bloggers and the person I am plotting to steal boots from, Stimey. She also threw grapes at me one time, but that is a different story. Without further ado:

Remember when the Biggest Loser Mom Contest started and I was all, "I am going to kick your asses! Prepare to go down! I'm winning this thing!" Remember that? Well, I'm down three pounds, but it's not exactly the ten I was hoping for by this time.

Well, in an effort to find the best way to get to my goal, I've laid out my dieting options here.

Jab my metabolism into action by eating a pan of brownies. Nope. That backfired. That's what got me here in the first place.

Buying exercise equipment. Oh, you mean you actually have to use it?

Anorexia. I'm too hungry and lack discipline.

Bulimia. Ick. Plus, ever since I had kids, my bladder leaks when I vomit. And I just can't take that added insult.

Liquid Diet. It turns out that beer has calories. And it makes you more likely to stuff things like potato chips into your craw. Also, ice cream soup isn't that good for you.

A "cleanse." I'm not entirely sure what this is, but it sounds kind of gross and unpleasant. Plus, I heard something on the radio about how after doing a cleanse, people claim to have never felt better, but then they never do it again. So, no.

Weight Watchers. This one actually works! Or at least it did once, when I was in my twenties. I think that by the third or forth time you join, you take it less seriously. Remember that I lack discipline?

Eat a good breakfast, then nothing else all day. They say when you eat breakfast that it kick starts your metabolism. I think it just kick starts my hunger. After cereal or eggs, I'm hungry like an hour later.

Eat nothing all day until I eat a healthy dinner. I can happily go until 3 or 4 in the afternoon without eating. But then I want to eat from then until midnight.

South Beach Diet. I don't know what this is, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it involves me wearing a bikini. So, again. No.

Atkins. But my carbs! My precious carbs!

Raw diet. It turns out that Doritos aren't raw. Dammit.

Exercise daily and eat several, small, healthy, low-calorie meals over the course of the day. Well, fuck. Why is it always the hardest option that works?

Stimey writes a lot about parenting, her life, and autism over at Stimeyland, but there is a surprising lack of stories about her successful weight loss there. Come to think of it, maybe if she spent less time sitting on her ass in front of her computer, she'd be thinner. Again, the least attractive solution is always the one with the potential to work.

Dressing Room Confessions

2009-09-13T18:20:00.003-04:00

Behold our first guest post from a Biggest Loser Mom contestant. Please welcome my friend, Sue.

I had an epiphany yesterday. And not the good kind where someone brings you gold, frankincense and myrrh.

My 9-year old needs an outfit for school picture day this week. So we headed to Kohls over the weekend and loaded up the dressing room with outfits. (Every one in which her 9-year old body looked adorable.) You know what wasn't adorable?

I caught a glimpse of myself standing behind her in the ginormous mirror.

HOLY HELL!!! Is THAT what I look like???

I don't have a full-length mirror in my house. And I know I have put on a "few" pounds in the past year, but I really had no idea that anyone else could see them. Except, like I said, HOLY HELL! The image in the mirror was not at ALL how I thought I looked. I hardly recognized myself.

I have to admit, I've been a little lazy about this challenge. I was waiting for preschool to start so I could exercise without a four-year old climbing on me. And then school started last week and I was really behind on my errands, so I thought I'd just spend a few days running those first. And, you know, the pumpkin spice lattes are back at Starbucks, so while I was running my errands, lemme grab one of those...

But looking in that mirror at Kohls, I knew. There is no more denying it. And no laziness. IT MUST STOP HERE. I need to lace up my dreaded sneakers and hit the streets. Which I did, the very morning after. And I must pry the chocolate chip cookies from my hands and tape my mouth shut.

These past 12 or so months, I've been in denial. I eat generally healthy. Ok, except for the aforementioned cookies. (Ok AND the lattes.) But I have no portion control. And I don't exercise. Because I hate it. HATE. IT.

So here are my resolutions for this week.

Eat MUCH smaller portions. Use a salad plate instead of a dinner plate. Use a mug instead of a bowl. Drink a whole bottle of water first, any time I feel like snacking.

Exercise in some way, every day. Whether it's spending 20 minutes with the dreaded Jillian, walking my daughter to preschool instead of driving or hitting the elliptical at the gym. (Hello Ballys! Remember me? I haven't been here since May!) And here's how I will enforce this resolution... I won't open Google Reader until I have exercised. (Gotta hit myself where it counts.)

How is everyone else doing? Any resolutions to share?

If blogging burned calories, Sue would be skinny. (Wouldn't we all?) Since it doesn't, she is hoping to lose 30 pounds the old-fashioned way. And plans to use exercise as a new way to avoid doing the laundry. She writes at Laundry for Six, DC Metro Moms and Blissfully Domestic.

I Should Follow My Own Diet Advice

2009-09-11T12:51:00.005-04:00

While on a diet:

1) A cheese steak sandwich isn't the best choice.

2) One lunch is enough.

3) You don't need cookies.

I blame PMS.

Visiting Old Places, Having a new mindset

2009-09-08T07:40:00.004-04:00

So I mentioned in the comments that I was away last week. The two sons and I took a road trip to Kentucky, Illinois and Kansas. Roadtrips present certain challenges for me, and this was the first time I actually paid attention to what those challenges actually are and the way I deal with them.

1. Thinking "I can eat whatever I want when we stop for gas. It's just a snack." No. I can't. I can't because I usually pick the absolute most disgustingly big chocolate bar or some other equally large and calorie packed confection. So this time I bought a small bag of Sugar Free York Peppermint patties. And when the kids asked, "Can we have some." I said, "YES!" this meant there were fewer patties for me to put in my piehole. Always a good thing.

2. Krispy Kreme donuts are the devil. And if you eat them, you must ration them. If you ration them long enough they will stay in the box in your car for 3 days, and at the end of that period, they will gross you out. If they gross you out, then you can throw them away easily.

2 a. It's stupid to buy donuts you will throw out in three days. Don't waste your money like that. Instead buy two donuts. And only two donuts. No more, no less. One donut will leave you wanting more, two donuts are just enough. Three donuts put you over the Hill of Remorse. Trust me on this.

3. Tough shit if your restaurant server looks at you funny when you ask them to box up half of your meal before it is served to you. Fuck 'em. They aren't fat. When they fifty pounds heavier, they can dispapprove of my request and give me a tough time. But for now, box up half of my food and leave your condemnation of me in the kitchen.

4. Hit a big box store and buy your own snacks for the road. This will stop the temptation of buying the Reeses Peanut Butter cups when you fill up your car. Repeat after me, "Filling stations are for filling you car, not your face."

5. One bite of something you love, which is utterly not good for you or on your food program, tastes the same as if you had eaten the entire thing. Decide which is more important, losing the pounds or having an entire piece of cake at the Bar Mitzvah. Okay, maybe that is a bit more specific than what everyone else is doing, but you get the picture.

At the end of the trip, following these fab 5, I lost weight instead of gaining it. Considering my goal was to be down 2 lb's this week, I think I did fairly well. Even if I don't do the math.

What did you do differently this week? Or will you do anything differently next week?

Biggest Loser Mom Progress Report: Day 7

2009-09-07T17:23:00.005-04:00

Well, the Holiday weekend has been tough. Gabe barbecued a pork shoulder and it was amazing.

This morning I was down .5 pounds (overall) which is a pound up from three days ago.

And you guys are right. I shouldn't weigh myself every day. That is a recipe for mania.

Still, I'm doing better. I am getting back into the routine of exercising. I am paying more attention to what I am putting in my mouth. At my fantasy football draft I only ate one piece of meatatarian pizza (albeit a POUS) and I only drank two beers. There was a bowl of chips in front of me and I did not even eat one.

Not one chip. That is some sort of superhuman willpower.

At least superSarah willpower. Salty snacks and beer are like Kryptonite to me.

While I don't seem to be on track to win the big money I am making progress.

How are you guys doing? How did your first week go?

_____

ps - Send me your guest posts on the biggest loser mom challenge and I will post them.

pps - Clearly that is not my scale. The last time I weighed 115 I was in elementary school.

Biggest Loser mom Challenge Day 1 Recap

2009-09-02T13:55:00.003-04:00

Day 2: No change.

I did fairly well on day 1.

And by fairly well I mean I only ate one cookie and I only drank a glass and a half of wine.

That isn't all I ate all day. I also had fruit and tuna and a HUGE salad for dinner.

I also did 20 minutes on my elliptical.

And when I weighed myself this morning there was no change.

And so far I am okay with that.

But tomorrow morning there had better be a change because today I am eating even better, and I am hungry.

It Is On

2009-09-01T07:36:00.004-04:00

It has begun.

Let The Biggest Loser Moms Contest commence.

I'll have you know that I haven't eaten a thing today. Granted, it is 7:45 and I've only been up since 7:00, but still, that is a start.

And while the rest of you are under no obligation to do this I will tell you this - I weighed in this morning at 184.5.

So there it is.

And away we go!

I'm Sure This is Healthy

2009-08-31T11:35:00.002-04:00

Our big contest starts tomorrow.

* takes deep breath*

I'm not screwing around this time either. I really want to lose this belly and gain your hard earned money. You'd have to ask Devra but I think the pot is up over $100 already.

I also have two family weddings coming up in 2010 and I really don't want to be the fat girl in all of the pictures.

*takes another deep breath*

Anyway, today is my last day of being a pig and while I am not going to binge, I am planning on eating some sort of dinner that includes a great deal of cheese and sour cream.

Mmmmm. Cheese.

Because tomorrow morning it will be broughten. I bet we can lose 200 pounds. (All together of course*, not each, that would be too much.)

* I can hear you all saying "I bet we can lose 200 pounds" a la "Airplane!"

Hey Ladies!

2009-08-25T13:38:00.005-04:00

Devra and I are very excited that so many of you are joining us in our first "Biggest Loser Mom"* contest.

It looks like now we have about 10 people participating and if (unlike Devra) you can do simple math in your head (I tease her because I love her) you realize that if we all pitch in $10 the pot will me $100.

(Not to be confused with $100 worth of pot, which doesn't help anybody lose weight.)**

We would now like to extend the invitation to those of you playing along at home to also guest post about what you are doing to lose the weight. I think we could all use some good ideas and extra motivation.

And a little trash talking never hurt anybody.

Oh! One more thing! We need a button or banner for our contest. If any of you have mad skills and the inclination you will earn the people's ovation, fame forever*** and a special bonus ad for your blog either here or on SATGS (or both if I can figure it out).

We only have six more days of eating and beer, so let's not waste any more time talking.

Love,

Sarah

* This is in to way restricted to Moms, the contest name is in reference to the name of the website. You don't even have to be a woman. We don't discriminate here.

** So I've heard. Hi Mom!

*** Nothing like a little Food Network humor for all of us that need to lose a few pounds.

The Biggest Loser Mom Contest

2009-08-22T20:58:00.017-04:00

Dear Annette from Catnip and Coffee :

Thank you for suggesting we have a Biggest Loser contest. Your comment on our blog has inspired us to kick our own collective ass!

Love,
Sarah and Devra

We are announcing "The Biggest Loser Mom"* competition! There will be a Grand prize Loser Mom and a Loser Mom Runner Up. Even if no one else wants to participate, but we hope you will, we're going to do it and post our results.

Sarah and I have talked it over. We agree that while we are each extremely successful at motivating, supporting and encouraging other people, we both,quite frankly, suck at self-motivation, self-direction and tend to discourage ourselves.

Which does make it seem counter productive to participate in a weight loss contest. I mean, when a person (or in our case two) isn't self-motivated, it might go hand in hand that that person (or people) don't give a rats ass if she (or they) win a competition.

Unless maybe the prize could be beer (for Sarah) and a three-way with Ben & Jerry (for Devra).

However, it cannot be those sorts of prizes. Because those are the type of "winnings" have contributed to the collective ass we now wish to lose. It's time for an attitude adjusment. It's time for us to kick our own ass and we invite you to kick it, or your own, too.

Rules are simple. Because if they are complicated we'll just give up, drink beer and eat icecream.

Length of Contest: Begins September 1, 2009. Ends October 15, 2009

Entry fee: $10.00 per participant. Contest is open to anyone over the age of 18 who wants to participate. Entry fees will be kept in a PayPal account which will then be used as prize money for the two winners.

Liability: None for us. You participate of your own free will, medical clearance is your responsibility. Basically we're holding the contest, but participation is at your own risk. Think of this declaration as being similar to the sign you see in restaurants stating they aren't responsible for any articles of clothing left at the establishment.

Weigh-in: Weekly. Weigh yourself on the same scale at the same time of day, wearing the same clothes for each weekly weigh-in. Loss will be calculated by a percentage, not by pound (lb.). Here is an explanation of how to calculate.

Awarding of Prizes: The week of October 15 when the contest officially ends. Two prizes will be awarded, with first prize going to the person who has the highest percentage of weight loss, and second prize to the next highest percentage of weight loss.

* The contest is named for our site "Loser Moms" there is no requirement that participants be moms.
Sign Up Today!

The Biggest Loser Mom Contest

Lack of Motivation

2009-08-19T19:32:00.003-04:00

I am nearly as fat as I have ever been.

I hate looking at myself in pictures.

My clothes don't fit.

I want to change.

Yet I binge.

Why can't I get motivated?

I don't think I am depressed, but I can't stand myself.

What is left?

Help me internet, you are my only hope.

And I asked myself, "How did I get here?"

2009-08-10T20:23:00.012-04:00

This past weekend we went to an amusement park and my younger son kept poking at my arm and saying things like "You've got a jiggly arm. Why is it jiggly? Mine isn't jiggly." And he is right. My arm is jiggly. However the question that stopped me in my tracks was, "Mom, what happened to you?"

What indeed happened to me? I gained 60 pounds that I can't seem to permanently drop. But that is the easy answer. The harder answer is "What happened to me?" Because something really did happen to me. And I never want it to happen to my kids. Ever.

I had a cousin who died from complications of Anorexia, but this didn't stop my great aunt (her mother) from making comments about my weight whenever I walked into her apartment. I think she thought the observations weren't personal, after all they were just about my weight, not about me; "Oh, Devra's weight looks wonderful." or "What's going on with Devra's weight?" Maybe she thought it was polite conversation and instead of asking "How are you?" she inquired about my weight.

It was ridiculous. And damaging.

There I was in my tweens and teens, average weight for my height, and yet I was continually thinking I was overweight or in danger of being overweight. Looking back on my pictures from my childhood, I was not obese. And yet, I had a doctor tell me in 7th grade "You're as big as a house." The picture of me you see in this post? Taken the same week as my doctor appointment. I'm the one in the purple, the house is wearing white.

So this weekend I had an epiphany of sorts. My son handed me a road map and it's time to find my way to being me again. I don't have a need to be a certain size or weight, all I want is to have my mind connect to my body and be at a point where I can live life, feel healthy and not tsk tsk myself.

Help Wanted

2009-08-05T15:32:00.003-04:00

We love Vionna. She is a wonderful personal trainer and a she has become a friend to boot, but there is a problem. Vionna's studio is in Bethesda. This rocks if you live in DC, Silver Spring, Chevy Chase, Kensington, Takoma Park* or anywhere around there.

It kind of stinks if you live in Northern Virginia.

The traffic in this area is just too bad. Vionna's studio is probably less than 15 miles from my house, but they are a slow 15 miles. A one hour work out ends up being about 3 1/2 hours round trip.

To make a long story short, Devra and I are on the hunt for a personal trainer somewhere in Fairfax County. Drop us a line if you are interested.

* I couldn't remember the name of Takoma Park so I honest to God Googled "Maryland hippies live" and it came right up. Awesome.

I'll Miss You Most of All

2009-07-31T13:37:00.004-04:00

Yesterday I posted a few of my pictures from BlogHer on my personal site.

This morning I had an e-mail from one of my very best friends that due to geography I haven't seen in a few years.

She was wondering if I had gotten a boob job.

You see, I have spent most of my life being tormented by my "friends" about how flat chested I am. It isn't even that I am a late bloomer. It is just that after breastfeeding twins, gaining 40 pounds and buying a couple of Wonderbras I finally have some cleavage.

In fact, when I was at BlogHer one of my favorite BlogHers (I'll let her choose if she wishes to be named here or not) told me I had a "magnificent rack".

I have never been so flattered in my entire life.

Well, that isn't exactly true. One time a girl told me that she wished she were a man so that she could make love me to. THAT is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Anyway, as much as I find it fascinating that for the first time in my life men are talking to my chest I still want to lose the 40 extra pounds.

And I am going to do it.

But I sure am going to miss these breasts.

Possibly the picture she was asking about. Oh how I love that dress.

On Tea, and Diets and Mysteries*

2009-07-17T11:22:00.004-04:00

I know when you are on a quest to lose weigh one of the most important things is drinking lots of water. I know from weight watchers meetings of yore and diet blogs of today that a lot of people have trouble with drinking water. They think it is boring or gross.

I love water (if it is cold) and I could drink it all day, but there is one big problem with water.

Water lacks caffeine.

This is a problem for me.

So I have been brewing my own iced tea at home. This way I feel like I am drinking something with flavor, it has zero calories and it is yummy.

This is all assuming you like unsweetened tea which I do.

Another bonus of tea is that it is easier on the stomach than drinking vast quantities of coffee, it has far less sugar than an energy drink, less carcinogens than diet soda and less empty calories than regular soda.

Of course you have to keep in mind that you still need water to counteract the caffeine, but it still helps me eat less.

* The mystery can either be the fact that I never wrote anything about a mystery so why didn't I change the blog title or you can just know that I keep misplacing my iced tea and it turned out not to be interesting enough to talk about.

Double Shame

2009-07-08T13:21:00.005-04:00

I didn't want to talk about this but I'm not seeing a way around explaining the extra weight.

I quit smoking about eight months ago.

Yes, I know. There is no reason that a grown woman with children should have been smoking cigarettes in the first place. I quit a long time ago before the twins were born. Then one thing led to another and I found myself sneaking smokes in my garage when the kids were napping.

Anyway, that is not the point. The point is that I quit.

That was the good news.

The bad news is that quitting smoking wrecks havoc on a diet.

So I am fatter than I was last year at BlogHer time and I HATE that.

Can anyone recommend a good detox or cleanse of some sort? I need a kick start.

While You Are Reading that Other Post

2009-06-28T18:31:00.002-04:00

I may, at some point, write a post about my discomfort with my body and how that affects me when I am around large groups of women (read, like at BlogHer), but I am not ready to do that right now.

A couple of weeks ago I was the heaviest I have ever been when I was not pregnant.

It was not a pretty place for me physically or mentally.

Since then I am down three or four pounds. Not much, but it turns out that they were three or four very important pounds and the shedding of them has made me feel much better. I think I am not quite ready to say more about it than that right now.

In the meantime (I warned you in the title that something like this was going to happen) go read Maggie's post at Okay. Fine. Dammit. about body image and weight and BlogHer.

You won't be sorry.

Another Great Post About Weight

2009-06-27T19:11:00.003-04:00

I wish I wrote this post, but I didn't. Anna from ABDPBT wrote it.

Personally, I don’t have a lot of anxiety about BlogHer in particular and weight: I figure that most people there will be Moms and we all probably have a little extra poundage here and there. There is pretty much zero chance that I’m going to walk into BlogHer and feel more self-conscious about weight than I do when I visit Fred Segal. But her point stands: most people don’t care about how much you weigh because they are too worried about how much they weigh. I do think this is, for the most part, true. I do think that nobody gives you as much thought as you give yourself.

Go read the whole thing. It is brilliant.

Advice Needed

2009-06-20T21:38:00.002-04:00

It is so hard to eat healthy when I am on the road with my kids.

They want to go to McDonalds for every meal. I am convinced that they don't care much about the food but that they love the toys that come with the Happy Meals. I suppose it really isn't important, because I find that while driving 1000 miles with two 5 year olds the deciding factor on where to eat is always what makes them the quietest.

So internet, please tell me, how do you eat healthy (and/or low fat) on long car trips?

Salad and Exercise

2009-06-12T16:50:00.004-04:00

I've been doing them both, you know, the salad and the exercise. And now my husband is in a really bad mood. Seriously, he's like pissed off that I am eating more healthfully and exercising. Has anyone else experienced this kind of thing? I know he exercises regularly, he's never had a weight problem. I've not changed a damn thing other than eating salad at dinner instead of what he and the kids are eating.

What gives?

She Has An Excellent Question

2009-06-09T22:20:00.003-04:00

Very Busy Mom with 4 asks Does Skinny Really Feel as Good as German Chocolate Cake Tastes?

I'll be honest with you guys, I don't remember much about either one.

To the best of my recollection they were each awesome in their own way, but it has been a while on both fronts.

I Lost 108 Pounds in One Morning!

2009-06-03T11:59:00.005-04:00

This morning when I woke up I weighed myself.

It said 184.5

Then I got on the scale right before lunch.

It said 77.0

or possibly 770, but I prefer the former number.

I'm thinking my scale needs a new battery.

Either that or eating one piece of toast instead of a bagel for breakfast makes a huge difference.

Hard to Brag

2009-06-01T22:57:00.003-04:00

I wish I could post here and say that I am doing a great job and I lost 20 pounds, but it isn't so.

BUT!

I am down 4 pounds. It has taken six weeks, but they seem to be four permanent (ish) pounds.

It is a start. I'll take what I can get.

I Just Threw Away a Perfectly Good Cheesecake

2009-05-18T13:21:00.005-04:00

About a million years ago (okay, it was probably closer to three or four) Devra and I went to Weight Watchers meetings together.

I think there are a lot of wonderful things about Weight Watchers. I find writing things down insanely helpful. I think weighing in in front of a stranger motivating. I have no idea why. And I think that going to meetings with a friend is a sure way to make sure you keep going and stick with the plan. At least somewhat.

There are reasons I don't do Weight Watchers anymore, but the number one reason is that they started charging for meetings that you missed.

I think that is robbery.

There are also the time constraints. When is a meeting I can go to every week? Right now my life is too unpredictable to make that kind of commitment.

Okay, but none of these things are my point. My point is that I used to go to the meetings.

I think WW meetings are very helpful. I like knowing that other people are having the same struggles as me. Not so much that I like that other people are suffering too, but just feeling not alone makes me feel less crazy and less out of control.

My favorite part of the meetings are when the other people in your class give tips that have helped them.

And one time Devra said she threw away food.

She said she knew once the cookies were in the garbage can she would not touch them.

I remember thinking that it seemed extreme... sort of. But it works.

If I have a bag of Doritos in my house I will eat them. I cannot control myself around Doritos. I know this. If there is a bag of Doritos in the trash can it is no longer food. It is garbage.

Five minutes ago I threw away a cheesecake that only had one piece missing.

Part of me feels like I just threw a $20 bill in the rubbish.

Most of me feels proud that I didn't eat the entire cake by myself like I wanted to.

So thank you, Devra.

And please, nobody tell my husband.

I remember what Devra said she told her husband when he asked about the cookies. She told him she "disposed of them". She said her family just assumed she ate them, and that was fine with her.

Some Motivation For You

2009-05-18T08:59:00.005-04:00

Life Up Your Hearts has a list that she thought was getting boring, but I think it is and excellent collection of reasons to lose weight.

Maybe I should read this every day.

Weight Loss Motivation

I would also like to add my own reason. I can no longer stand to look at pictures of myself and we only have about eight more weeks until BlogHer.

Can No Longer Claim "Baby Weight"

2009-05-12T08:42:00.002-04:00

My twins are turning five years old today.

While I feel completely comfortable blaming my stretch marks on carrying two babies around in my body at the same time I think five years is about three years beyond the cutoff where I can actually blame my belly on the pregnancy.

This sucks.

---

That being said, the weather was so beautiful on Mother's Day that I took a three mile walk. It was lovely. Now if the Gods can just make it 75 degrees and sunny with low humidity every day I will no longer have the excuse not to do that either.

Loser Mom FAIL

2009-04-29T16:35:00.003-04:00

Up three more pounds.

I am officially four pounds lighter than the heaviest I have ever been (not including being pregnant with twins.)

Maybe bathing suit season will get me off of my fat ass.

Does anyone have any tips on how they get motivated to start a diet?

My friend, it isn't coincidence that foodieism rhymes with Judaism. Happy Passover!

2009-04-16T00:31:00.005-04:00

When Passover hits, I keep it for the entire 8 days, I clear out all the bread, pasta and yeast from our pantry. For weeks prior to Passover I search online and in my cookbooks for Passover recipes. But we don't keep Kosher the rest of the year, I don't use different plates than the ones we use every day. We've even welcomed tortilla's into our life as "unleavened bread."

I've also been known to announce we are having Sephardic Night so we can go ahead and eat corn and rice during Passover which is something Ashkenazi Jews don't customarily do.

So it was no wonder I had the following exchange with my younger son today as we were discussing tonight's dinner menu:

Son Two: Can we make Shrimp Scampi for dinner?
Me: Sure. But we're going to make the recipe from Cooking Light.
Son Two: It's the recipe using the long flat noodles. Right?
Me: Yes, but we're having the Scampi over rice because we can't have noodles since it's still Passover.
Son Two: stares at me. Hard.

Suffice it to say Matzo Ball Soup made it back onto the menu this evening. And I even made it with broth that did not include "yeast extract."

I am a walking, talking and cooking contradiction.

On Being Rich and Thin

2009-04-13T12:23:00.002-04:00

The World’s Shortest Guide On How To Be Thin and Rich

I think The Millionaire Mommy Makes two excellent points here.

Now, If only I could follow those simple guidelines...

Trying to Get Back on The Wagon

2009-04-10T12:56:00.002-04:00

Spring Break... it was so easy not to exercise.

I was at my brother's house, driving 10 hours each way, eating McDonalds. Ugh.

Then I went to the WNBA Draft and I ate pizza and cheese steak. It was wonderful, but I think I need to get back on the wagon.

I'm scared to get on my scale. According to my brother's scale I lost 14 pound in two days just by eating McDonalds and bagels. But if he is telling the truth and it is actually an issue of eights looking like sixes in the tens place I may have gained six pounds which is a much more likely scenario.

*sigh*

Jillian, I'm coming home to you. Please don't hurt me to much.

How NOT to Do It

2009-04-02T17:43:00.003-04:00

I touched on this issue briefly on my personal blog, but I would like to talk about it a little bit here as well.

If you are trying to lose weight, or even if you are merely trying not to be obscenely bloated, I am going to recommend not eating an entire bag of Cheddar Chex Mix in a single sitting.

Really you shouldn't polish one of these bad boys off in an entire day.

Holy Sodium, Batman!

It turns out that Chex Mix is one of my trigger foods. You know, you start eating it and you can't stop?

(My other trigger foods? Doritos, Tootsie Rolls, bacon, cheese and crackers, Oreos, french fries, pizza, brownies, cheetohs... the list goes on an on).

I know what I have to do. I cannot have this food in my house anymore. It IS that simple.

And take it from me. It tasted good while it lasted, but I feel like a pile a shit right about now, mentally and physically.

Now, if you will excuse me, I am off to drink my 30th glass of water this afternoon. I can't imagine why I am so thirsty.

/sarcasm

I Can't Handle the Truth

2009-03-26T10:59:00.003-04:00

Wow.

I finally found a diet plan that seems to be working for me.

Drink less beer, eat less food and exercise.

The truth sucks.

If All of My Friends Jumped Off of a Bridge...

2009-03-10T09:23:00.006-04:00

Yes Mom, if all of my friends jumped off a bridge I would too.

And THAT is why I am one day three of Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred.

It is also why my shoulders hurt.

It is only a twenty minute work out. I thought "Well, hell. I can do anything for 20 minutes."

I was mistaken. It really hurts.

But for as much as I hate my life while I am doing it, and as much as I know I am only on level one and I have a grave fear of levels two and three, I know that after only two days I can already feel that my abs are tighter.

Sure, there is still a huge layer of fat blocking my awesome ab muscles but maybe that will magically disappear somewhere around day 7.

No?

Either way, I think I am really going to try to stick with it.

For any of you doing the workouts too, you know Natalie? I want my body to look like hers.

I did take pictures right before my first workout, but mercifully my camera battery charger has gone missing and so I am unable to post a picture of myself in work out clothes at this juncture.

Maybe I'll find it closer to day 15.

_

Cross-Posted at Sarah and the Goon Squad.

I Got My Cardio the Old Fashioned Way

2009-03-05T14:07:00.004-05:00

I know, you are thinking I stole my cardio, but it isn't the case at all.

I earned it.

It wasn't on a treadmill or at aerobics class either.

I had these wonderful plans about getting on my elliptical this morning or talking a long walk. See, I finished most of my writing deadlines yesterday so I knew I had three free hours this morning while my kids were at preschool.

(Well, two hours once you subtract all of the time it takes schleping them to and from school, but you know what I mean.)

And then it happened.

I got called in to sub.

My kids go to a cooperative pre-school. This means that every day there is a parent helping out in the classroom. It also means that when a teacher gets sick a parent is called in to substitute.

Today was my day.

It was actually a pretty nice day outside. It was in the high 40s and it was sunny but there was still snow on the playground.

I pulled children in a huge circle around the playground for 40 minutes straight. I kid you not. There was a line.

I ran. I walked. I pulled. I lifted.

I began to sweat.

I did this for 40 minutes.

That was four hours ago and I am starting to get sore and I need a nap, but I burned calories and I made friends with a bunch of four year olds.

(It was like a parallel universe to the exercise I got on Monday when I shoveled my driveway. On Monday my own four year olds accused me of playing in the snow wrong and not pulling them on the sled enough. I maintained that I would much rather pull them on the sled but I had to shovel the driveway or it would turn to ice and we would break our necks trying to leave the house which is much more painful than the emotional trauma of having to make snow angels for 45 minutes.)

So that was my cardio for the day.

How about you?

Just Another Manic Monday

2009-02-08T09:49:00.007-05:00

Tomorrow is The Day many of us who are trying to lose weight are all too familiar with; Monday. It's the day when most of us try to make good on the promises we made the previous week to exercise more in the coming week, to begin again on the food plan, to commit to writing down everything we eat, to eat more vegetables, drink the recommended daily amount for water and to remember to take our vitamins. It's the day we love to hate and I hate that about Monday.

Tomorrow is a new day people!

After years of thinking Monday had some magical power to help me change bad habits or develop healthier ones I have instead chosen to channel my high school biology teacher Mr. Combs who always told us in his heavy southern accent, "You can change yer mind if you have one." I've done changed my mind about Monday.

Mondays will no longer represent a monumental difference in the way I do anything. No. I've decided making Monday promises to myself is self-defeating. I'm not sure why I break my own promises, I have excellent intentions, the actions just aren't living up to them. I am steadfast in keeping promises I make to others. I just can't seem to keep promises I make to myself. Essentially I have decided Mondays are a mind fuck. I've spent enough time screwing around with Monday and I think the time has come for me to play the field more, pay more attention to the rest of the days of the week. So...

Come Monday I'll be feeling alright.

But officer, all I had was a small slice of pepperoni. Honest!

2009-02-03T21:11:00.007-05:00

My son made this pizza. From scratch. All by himself. I had to eat it. Right? No, not right. I could have had just a piece and not the entire thing. After all a piece of it will taste just the same as the rest of it. I don't drink an entire bottle of wine at one sitting yet I feel compelled to eat an entire pint of icecream all at once.

In fact, now that I think about it some more, I am amazingly cautious about having even a glass of wine if I know I will be driving in an hour. I NEVER risk having even the slightest amount of booze in my body before I get behind the wheel of a car.

Ooh- Ooh-Oooh!

What if I pretend I could get pulled over by law enforcement and arrested for overeating? Maybe the next time I go out for dinner I could try to have this kind of a conversation:

Waiter: Would you like to see our dessert menu?

Me: No,thank you. Really. I can't. I'm driving tonight. I don't want to leave here and get into my car with chocolate on my breath. It's not worth the risk.

My New Favortie Scapegoat

2009-01-27T12:42:00.003-05:00

This has nothing to do with my eating (or beer drinking) habit.

I have gained all this weight because I caught the fat virus.

I no longer need diet or exercise, I just need some antibiotics or something.

ps - This isn't me. My belly is way bigger than this.

(found this link on Happy Meals and Happy Hour)

The Update - Sort Of

2009-01-26T20:28:00.002-05:00

Last week I told you that I started an over the counter cleanse program and I would let you know how it went.

Well, I am reporting back, but I doubt it is any sort of answer you were looking for.

I took the pills for two day and very little changed except I got a headache.

Then I got a cold.

I seriously doubt the two are related, but either way I stopped taking it.

On the upside, I lost two pounds.

I credit the cold medicine.

If I tell her it's Quaker, she may get even more confused.

2009-01-16T13:25:00.020-05:00

Last night my mother called from Connecticut. She had a question for me. "Are you going into DC for the inauguration?" What follows is my unedited answer and the conversation which followed:

Me: No, we're not going into DC. I think it will be too chaotic. Just the idea of going reminds me of what it felt like to attend the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade when I was little and had to peek through people's legs to watch the floats and marching bands. It's not like I've really gotten that much taller either. I don't think a grown woman peeking through the legs of others would be appropriate, even if it is to watch a presidential inaugaration.

Mom: Are you going to watch it at your house?

Me: We're inviting a few people over to watch history from Sarah's house. And we won't even have to cook. Balducci's is our caterer.

Mom: What did you say about Jesus?

Me: Nothing. I didn't say anything about Jesus.

Mom: Oh I thought you said something about Jesus and catering.

Me: Contrary to what you may have thought you heard, Jesus is not our personal caterer, it's Balducci's.

If you want to check in on our Tuesday morning gathering we will be tweeting it and possibly Ustreaming too. More details can be found here!

Pardon My French

2009-01-15T13:33:00.002-05:00

Trying to start a diet when you are PMS'ing like crazy is a fucking waste of time.

Here Goes Nothing

2009-01-15T11:36:00.003-05:00

I have no idea what my problem is. I keep gaining weight. I am starting to get desperate. I freaked out. I went to the drug store and just picked something off of the shelf.

To be completely honest my main reason for choosing this product was because there wasn't on anything on the package indicating "oily gassy discharge".

This morning 185.5.

I'll report back in a week. (or less if something really amazing happens)

Here goes nothing.

Come Out, Come Out Where Ever You Are

2009-01-12T08:42:00.004-05:00

It is delurking day.

Please come out and say hi. Or tell us your favorite healthy snack. Or tell us your favorite unhealthy snack. Just comment just for this one day.

Winning can of coffee isn't as popular as winning a Wii Fit? C'mon, it could be.

2009-01-11T18:33:00.007-05:00

Sarah and Laurel*have entered the photo contest to win a can of Louisiana coffee. Right now the competition is fierce. They are both posting pics like madwomen!

Are you going to let one of these two take what I know is rightfully yours? Contest will end on Wednesday January 13, 2009. Think about it, maybe you didn't win the Wii Fit and you are bitter, well so is the coffee! Plus, you don't need to put on sneakers to use the coffee.

*Laurel doesn't even drink real coffee. She drinks what I refer to as "Cajun Sludge." Feh!

Sarah, you better get going. I'm way ahead of you.

2009-01-11T11:16:00.007-05:00

Sarah is using her elliptical.

Big deal .

I've been using my elliptical for months.

Sarah is starting out at 20 minutes a day. I am already doing at least 8 hours a day.

The gauntlet has been thrown.

What Went Into Devra's Pie Hole Today (and a chance to win a can of coffee)

2009-01-07T09:45:00.006-05:00

Welcome to Day Two. I think I did fairly well yesterday, maybe not so healthy with my choices of what went into my pie hole, but with updating my post about what went into my pie hole. I also think I did demonstrate an increased ability of what my friend Laurel and her sister refer to as "Pie Hole Control" or PHC. For example, I limited my intake of Jelly Belly's to two fist fulls instead of just the entire bag. I say that's progress people. Just nod and smile if you don't agree. Humor me.

I haven't had breakfast yet. I am still having coffee made with 1 tablespoon of Fat Free Half & Half and 4 Splenda. Same brand of coffee as yesterday. When I switch to a different coffee/brand I will name drop for you. So until you see differently, I'm supporting Louisiana based businesses who are still recovering from Hurricane Katrina.

Now that I think about it, I have also made progress in the fact I picked a coffee company to support and as opposed to spending coin buying beignet mix. Lord knows I have stuffed enough of those into my pie hole during my lifetime.

Finally, this picture I am using does not thrill me. I'd like to use the same picture for my daily post. Feel free to send me one you think I should use. If I use it? I'll send you a can of Luzianne Coffee.

A New Start

2009-01-06T16:58:00.001-05:00

For a while I was doing so well.

Devra and I were going to see Vionna twice a week. I was getting stronger.

I had only lost a few pounds, but I was going in the right direction.

I'm not sure what happened. I got really busy with life: preschool, blogging, my new jobs, holiday stress...

To make a long story short. All that progress went straight to hell in a handbasket. I gained back all the weight I had lost and then some.

I don't even like seeing pictures of myself because I have gained weight in my face.

Well. that was the bad news.

The good news is this - yesterday I did 20 minutes on my elliptical and today I will do 20 more.

I am sick of this self-loathing.

I realize now that driving to Bethesda twice a week when my kids only have half days of school four days a week doesn't work for me. It was far too stressful. But this doesn't mean I can't work with Vionna in a new capacity. She will give us assignments and Devra and I will do them and then check in with her about once a month.

It is a new year and a new start. I am ready to go.

Who is with me?

I lost 5 Pounds. Happy Flu Year!

2009-01-06T10:30:00.011-05:00

2009 came in with most of our family in one of our three bathrooms. While most people were ringing in the New Year, we were worshipping the porcelain god. The result of which was the ball dropped as did 5 pounds. But I know that kind of loss-for me, not the ball-won't be permanent. In an effort to keep as much of that loss as possible, I have decided to keep a food journal. This isn't anything new, in fact successful weightlosers have done this for years. I've just attempted it periodically and failed. However, I'm going to try it again. Just differently. And maybe, just maybe I will be successful and even lose some more El Bees.

I'm going to post every single I put into my pie hole. Certainly it will be riveting to read; You'll laugh, you'll cry, you will scream, "What the hell is she putting in her pie hole?" I will be a prolific name dropper of products. Not because I'm on the take or shilling, but because I know when I read "chicken with vegetables" I think "yawn" and I'm not inspired at all to eat that myself. But if I read, "sauteed chicken with Lipton's Vegetable soup mix, diced water chestnuts, 1/3 fat philly cream cheese and doctored up with 1/4 cup white wine, fresh garlic and seasonings" that sounds like something I might be willing to try to make myself. Truth be told, that is just what we had for dinner last night. It was a *safe* meal and I am happy to report it stayed where it was supposed to stay. No one in my family revisited the meal hours later. But enough about our Flu year. Moving on...

Every day I will post everything going into my pie hole. It will be one post a day which I will update as more goes into my mouth and down the hatch. So without further ado, here is the first post of

"What Went Into Devra's Pie Hole"
Breakfast (that's right, I am trying to eat breakfast.) Quaker Oats Low Sugar Apple and Cinnamon Instant Oatmeal made with water. 2 cups of Luzianne coffee. Each made with a tablespoon of fat free half and half and 4 packets of Splenda.(Those of you who are coffee purists like my mother, I apologize for my bastardization of your beloved.)

Lunch: 3/4 cup white rice, leftover Chinese food; exactly three pieces of tangerine beef. 2/3 cup Breyer's Natural Chocolate ice cream. 1 12 oz cup of Crystal Light Decaf Iced Tea.

Snack: two fistfulls (but keep in mind I have hands the size of a 9 year old) of Jelly Belly's. 8 Reduced Fat Ritz Crackers. Diet 7 Up. Obviously I am not completely rid of the flu and I am not completely committed to eating healthy either. But this is about trying to nail down a routine of writing down EVERYTHING I eat. Once I have established that habit, then I will work on the part about WHAT I am eating. Dont' judge. It makes sense to me. And in order for me to do this, I think it needs to make sense to me first. Make sense?

Dinner: The chicken dish I mentioned previously. We have leftovers. Although my tummy isn't feeling so hot, so I'm not eating it. I'm not hungry. Who knew Jelly Belly's and Ritz crackers could be so filling? Maybe I'll have some rice or some more Ritz Reduced Fat Crackers and skip the Jelly Belly's this time around.

This is Going to Make Weight Watchers A LOT Easier

2009-01-02T17:17:00.002-05:00

Wii Have a Wiinner

2008-12-31T12:09:00.004-05:00

Wii finally got around to picking a wiinner.

* Not sponsored by Doritos. We needed a bag. ~~Fortunately~~ Unfortunately there were still some chips left and we were forced to handle the situation as we saw fit.

We'll diet next year. Wii hope you will join us.

Happy New Year to all of you other losers out there in Loser Mom Land!

The Suspense is Killing Us

2008-12-30T12:40:00.003-05:00

I just wanted to let you all know we did not forget about our contest. The holidays seem to have gotten in the way of Devra and I actually getting together to pick a winner.

We will be picking the winning of our Wii Fit tomorrow morning if all goes well.

We may even get some video if we're lucky.

And organized.

Good luck to everyone who entered!

- Sarah

Wii Want To Know What Inspires You To Exercise Contest

2008-12-18T11:33:00.006-05:00

Look, regardless of whether or not any of us are observing a holiday, the foods are out there and on the table. Pie Hole Control will be challenged daily, if not hourly or by the minute. At work, at home. Even in your own head as we think "What about just one cookie? I can get on the treadmill tonight and do extra minutes."

Only those extra minutes become added to the 24 hours that are already spoken for by other things we're doing. And since no one has figured out how to create a 25th hour, those extra minutes for exercise? Non existent. Total fantasy.

So, we want to know how you get inspired to work out. How do you keep the love alive for exercise and not get bored out of your freakin' mind? Is it music? A special routine? A mantra? Something you read? Heard? Saw that scared the ever-livin' crap out of you? What?? We want to know! (And we bet others will benefit too!)

This is a contest, the Grand Prize is a brand new in the box Wii Fit.

Please make sure to leave us your email address in addition to your inspirational comment. All entries will be put into a Giant Plastic Measuring cup my son used to wear on his head as a hat and we will draw a winner at random. Contest ends December 22nd at 6PM EST.

Inspire us! NOW!

Need dose of reality? Roll the tape! (and a little something about a contest)

2008-12-12T16:52:00.008-05:00

I can sit and deny it as much as I like, but there is nothing, but nothing that will bring reality right into my face like seeing myself on film. I understand the camera adds pounds, but not 75 of them. More like 10. So when I recently watched myself on the PBS Youtube channel:

I sound fine and Kristen makes for a fabulous interviewer, but was horrified by my appearance. Not because I'm vain, this is a health issue. There is no way I can continue to be this heavy. I am risking a stroke ya'll.

Time to take action. And I don't mean breaking into my dentist's office, holding the spit sucker to his neck and demanding he wire my jaws shut for the holiday season. I'd probably get arrested. And if I were to be arrested? We all know Jenny Craig isn't a jail house caterer. Besides, I've seen many episodes of Dateline on ID as well as 48 Hours on We . People who go to jail gain weight. I know they have AA meetings in prison, but Weight Watcher's? I doubt it. Nope, I needed to get me some conviction, but not of a felonious sort. So I made like a Nike ad, and Just Did It.

Today I used the Wii Fit to jog for 10 minutes. It's a beginning...

Next week wii'll bii having a contest and give-away. Sii you here next wiik!

Trigger Foods

2008-12-03T11:30:00.004-05:00

Trigger foods, we all have them.

You know, the food that you eat some of and then you can't stop eating? They trigger a binge.

Potato chips are the perfect example. Lays has a whole ad campaign based on this concept.

In fact, I'm pretty sure the foods on Weight Watchers core program are foods that don't cause binging. I think that is why they are considered safe.

I do actually have a point here.

Cereal is a trigger food for me. I'm not sure why. And it seems like it can be any kind of cereal. Count Chocula (my favorite), Cheerios, Corn Flakes - it doesn't matter. I can just eat a small serving of cereal because I am not hungry and I know I need to eat breakfast and then I am famished. I want three more bowls.

Cereal is my perfect appetizer.

Does this happen to anyone else? Can anyone explain this?

The Line

2008-11-24T16:48:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but I have a very distinct line where I am comfortable with my body.

I'm sure it is different for everybody. It depends on how tall you are and what type of bone structure you have. My line is 180.

My weight tends to fluctuate drastically. I am one of those people who will lose a bunch of weight and then gain a bunch of weight and then lost it again and so forth. Because of this, I know my lines.

I am 5' 9". (Assuming I stand up straight, which I never ever do.)

My body used to tend to regulate itself around 160 pounds. If I were between 140 and 160 I felt pretty good. Anything under 140 and I start to look sickly. Maybe now that I am in my late thirties my middle is closer to 165, so lets say between 145 and 165 I look good.

Anything above 166 I look "heavy". Not fat, just heavy. Like I could stand to lose a few pounds.

When I cross over to 180 I look different. I look fat. My face changes shape and I am uncomfortable all of the time.

I have been uncomfortable for a couple of weeks now but I was afraid to get on the scale.

I knew exactly what it was going to say.

__

We've been traveling. One of the things about long car trips with two picky four year olds is that I end up eating garbage like McDonalds.

I think anybody that is reading this blog knows what that means.

In a hotel room in Florence, South Carolina I caught a glimpse of myself from the side.

It didn't even look like me. I am almost as wide from front to back as I am from side to side. I have a beer belly!

Who am I trying to kid? I have a beer everything.

So I have spent the last couple of days beating myself up mentally. I've been calling myself horrible names in my mind. I've been exercising slightly more moderation but I am on vacation and it is Thanksgiving.

And the fat doesn't come off that fast.

I finally hauled my fat ass up on my Mom's scale this morning. 184.* I haven't weighed that much since just after my twins were born.

It is no secret I love beer. It is no secret that beer has a shitload of empty calories. Something has got to give and since nobody will give me any Fen-Phen it is going to have to be the beer.

Now, I'm not going to go crazy. When I go crazy I can't keep any weight off and depriving ones self during the holidays just leads to binging in January. (For me anyway, I know. I've done it before. Twice.) What I am going to do is take it easier. I am going to pay attention.

And when I get home, some things are going to change.

They have to. I can't live hating myself like this.

* Remember, these numbers mean different things to everybody. You could be smokin' hot at 215. You could be round and flabby at 126, I have no idea. Do not apply my fat numbers to yourself.

Can't Even Win at Losing

2008-11-17T16:40:00.001-05:00

I'll be honest. I have not actually stepped on a scale in weeks.

I'm too scared.

I overextended myself. I said yet to too many things. I was freaking out.

The first thing that went was the gym.

It wasn't even that I didn't enjoy it. It was the commute in the DC traffic that was getting to me. I would stress out days in advance about making it to the gym on time. I was worried if I had the $4 cash it required to park. I was nervous that I couldn't make it back quick enough to pick my kids up from school on time.

A one hour work out became a three hour commitment in DC traffic. Twice a week. I just couldn't do it.

So I let it go for my mental health.

And I stopped exercising all together.

It is bad. My fat jeans are getting tighter. I have Sensa sitting here that I haven't even opened. My poor elliptical machine hasn't been touched in months.

And now... the Holidays.

Help me fellow Loser Moms. Help me get back on track.

Operation Pie Hole Control

2008-11-04T13:59:00.008-05:00

I'm not sure how the stars aligned in order to have Halloween on a Friday, followed by a long weekend where the kids don't' have school on Monday OR Tuesday but they did and it has been quite a challenge for me. In an effort to maximize my PHC (Pie Hole Control)I have locked the candy in my car during the day. Since I work from home, I just couldn't control myself enough to have the candy in the house. I tried, believe me. I just know myself too well. In years past I have hidden the candy from myself, I have had others hide it too. Doesn't work. Seriously, I'm like a Bloodhound, only I'm picking up on the scent of an Almond Joy and following it.

I've tried putting the candy in the freezer, like someone suggested to Sarah on her earlier post. It didn't work for me. People like me, just gnaw at a Baby Ruth until it breaks off and it becomes edible. I've tried putting the candy in inconvenient locations that require a tall ladder, but like a shark in a feeding frenzy, I can't swim off and ignore the Snicker Bar chum in my habitat. Pathetic, I know.

So today the candy is locked in my car. I've not yet gone to the garage to dig it out, so maybe this will work. If it doesn't work, then the other option is to put it in The Huz's car and have him park it at the Pentagon. At least if it were there I would not only have to drive 30 minutes to get it, I would have to get through security. Now that I think of it, if he does wind up having to take the candy in his car, I should surrender my ID card to him as well.

I wonder if I could ask The Huz to bring home a couple of Security Police to man our fridge at home. I bet that would deter me a lot.

FYI: The zombie in the picture belongs to me. He's my youngest son. I put the screw in his head myself! : )

This Leftover Halloween Candy Isn't Helping Anything

2008-11-03T13:48:00.003-05:00

Ugh.

I was expecting a huge trick or treating turnout this year. That didn't happen. I have a lot of Halloween candy let. A LOT.

Well, less than I had yesterday, but still a good deal.
I know the right answer is to just throw it away, but it seems so wasteful.

I need some ideas so I don't just graze on candy all day.

Help!

Is it wrong....

2008-10-26T22:48:00.025-04:00

That I regularly fantasize about a three way with Ben &Jerry?

Not the men. Who cares about those two.

I'm picturing myself with a pint of Phish Food.

A Dangerous Combination

2008-10-19T14:20:00.001-04:00

I have four bags of Halloween candy and PMS.

This does not bode well for my diet.

Just a Sprinkle A Day, Actually with Everything we eat for the next 6 months.

2008-10-15T22:53:00.001-04:00

Sarah and I lack Pie Hole Control. We've admitted it on our blog we've also discussed it many times between the two of us. So we are using Sensa for the next 6 months in addition to exercising regularly. The Sensa system is supposed to make a person feel fuller so they don't eat as much. Basically it's a white powder you sprinkle on everything you eat which is divided into two compartments in a shaker; one side used for Salty foods and the other side used for Sweet foods. It's not used in liquids. The literature says we don't have to change what we eat, no counting calories. Right now we're not sure if it will work or not, but we'll be posting about our experience on this Tinkerbell Pixie Dust Diet for all of you to read. And if it works? We'll clap our hands and tell you, "We believe!"

if mannequins were women they would be too thin to bear children.

2008-10-15T07:24:00.005-04:00

Because if mannequins were women they would be too thin to bear children.

Think about how upsetting that truly is. Think about the ideals we set for ourselves as a culture. Then think about what your goals truly are.

Sure, no matter what I could stand to lose a few pounds for my health, but for now I think I'll be focusing on the health part of that equation.

[I found this video on 5 Resolutions]

Tuesday's child is full of grace. I call "BULLSHIT!"

2008-09-17T20:34:00.005-04:00

Equilibrium is not my friend. If there were a way I could give up being a biped and walk on all fours, I'd pounce all over it. With all fours. Seriously. I would. Maybe you think I am exaggerating, but I'm not. The first time I read, "Tuesday's child is full of grace." on a paper place mat at a diner in New Jersey, I thought,"No way in hell am I full of grace", knocked over a glass of water which spilled everywhere.

Yeah, I'm a class act.

Think I might be exaggerating again? Oh, don't I wish! You should have been with me on a recent business trip. I was staying at a wonderful hotel, but after my two night stay there I was bruised all over my legs. Why? I kept running into my own damn bed. I must have run into that thing at least 10 times. Pathetic isn't it? It's a bed, it's a fairly large bed at that and yet I just couldn't seem to stop some sort of relentless masochistic ritual of hitting myself with it when walking around my hotel room.

So this brings us to the other day when I was working out with Vionna. Vionna knows all about my lack of coordination. I have explained to her how I was a Flag Twirler in highschool and never got the routines right. It was so bad my own mother chose to believe I was a soloist. See, when you work out with a trainer, you need to be willing to disclose some very personal and private information about yourself (and then post it on the Internet for all to see).

Vionna and Sarah have seen me fall off the Bosu -which I sometimes refer to as the Bonsai, but most often call it Erykah- regularly. But even so, I fall off the ball and get right back up again. This is dedication my friends.

This next part I may have the sequence wrong, but the end result is the same, I bruised myself. First when Vionna left me outside while she went inside to get something, she wasn't expecting to turn around and see me fall over in slowMo after trying to balance on one leg and to reach down to touch a small orange safety cone. The idea was supposed to be me moving my body in one giant motion, much like one of these only on one leg and not putting the other foot down in between dips. I did it like that for about 3 times, but then all hell broke loose. I put my foot down once. I know, total cheat. Then by the 9th time I was out of control. I dipped down and then I tilted. I tilted a lot. I tilted so much I fell right over. Vionna suggested I stop doing the balance bobbing thing. I didn't feel like fighting her so I agreed.

Next we went on to an exercise where I was laying on my back on a mat. I raised both of my legs to form the letter L. I had a 5 pound dumbell in my hand and the idea was to lift my arm with the dumbell, and bring it kitty corner to my opposite leg. This was supposed to help my Obliques I think. I did it once and hit my shin with the dumbell. I tried again, I hit myself again. Vionna asked, "Are your eyes open?" I answered, "Of course they are. Why? Do your other clients do this exercise with their eyes closed?" Then I switch hands and try the other leg and hit myself with the dumbell some more. Maybe my shins are magnetic.

Oh, yesterday? Sarah already described the crazy ball exercise. Vionna ended up telling me to stop using the ball because I hit myself in the face with it.

I wonder if any famous people look as stupid as I do when I work out and if so, were they born on a Tuesday.