That's it. I just need to grow up

All I need in order to reach my BMI goal is add 15 1/4 inches to my own height. You are probably wondering where I will find those extra inches. I have thought about this very carefully as well. I have a plan. I think it will work.

By my own admission I suck at math. Numbers just make my eyes glaze over. I even had to call two friends in order to figure out the amount of inches between 4'10 3/4" and 6' 2". But my sorry-ass math performance is for another day. Right now we're dealing with my BMI goal. So compare the numbers of our fitness test results.


Here are Sarah's scores:

Target Heart Rate Zone=120-157
Step Test=Poor
Pushup Test=Below Average
Sit up Test=Above Average
BMI= 26.6/Overweight(Goal is 22)
Body Fat=32.4/Obese (Goal is 26)



Here are my scores:

Target Heart Rate Zone=116-152
Step Test=Above Average
Pushup Test=Excellent
Sit up Test=Excellent
BMI= 40.0/Grade II Obesity (Goal is 25)
Body Fat=46.4/Obese (Goal is 28)

From the looks of our fitness test scores, I can just beat the crap out of Sarah and take her height away from her. I mean look at those push up numbers of hers. If I sit on her, she's not going to be able to do anything about it. Can she push me off? I doubt it, her upper body stength just isn't there. If I take her height and run up a flight of stairs with it? She's not going to be able to catch me.

Don't the experts say that in order to achieve your fitness goal you need to have a plan? I now have a plan. I will ambush Sarah at the bottom of the stairs at the Gym on Thursday.

I hope Vionna is cool with it. Because if she's not, I strongly suspect Vionna's fitness test scores are better than mine and she'll be able to catch me even if I run freakishly fast.

Yeah, that's a visual, isn't it? I'll leave you to consider that for a bit.

Something I've never said before as a parent, but am saying it now...

Devra says:

"This hurts me more than it hurts you." Who gets stiff and sore just from an fitness assessment? Who? Who? WHO?! Me. Evidently I also awoke this morning having an urge to write a blog post making me sound like a demented owl, but I digress.

For those of you wondering where exactly I hurt, for starters my arms. Had I known it would put me in this condition, I never would have whipped Sarah's ass in push-ups. I'm more than paying for it now. My legs ache which means going upstairs for any reason will pose some challenges. But, I am a problem solver. I always try to find a solution.

I am seriously considering living for the next few days on the ground floor of our house and bathing in the powder room sink.

Edited to add: For the record Sarah is exagerating for dramatic effect. Something I would never do. You can count on me to tell it to you straight; I did 26 push-ups. While the push-ups may have been easier for me given my proximity to the ground, Sarah had a big advantage with the Step Test. For the record, because I am not overly dramatic, the "Step" was practically as high as my neck and for Sarah it barely reached her ankle.