Friday, March 19, 2010

The Front Lawn Diet

A couple of years ago I was on the phone with my friend Laurel.  See Laurel is a Girl Scout Leader, and it was cookie season. I was lamenting to her about the fact I had consumed far too many "Samoans." Yes, I realize they are technically "Samoas" but I continue to refer to them as "Samoans" because I know it drives Laurel crazy.  Makes me a good friend, I know, driving her crazy on purpose. Friend of the year? YES! But back to our story...

We're on the phone and I am eating Tagalongs. Having eaten all of the Samoans, I had no choice. However, I could feel my ass expanding almost immediately with every bite. I finally thought, "Dammit, I need to get these things out of the house." So with Laurel on the phone with me, I opened the front door and threw the remainding Tagalongs onto the front lawn.  In my ferver to get rid of the little bastards cookies, I hadn't noticed my neighbor walking his dog.  While I am confident he saw me tossing my cookies, he has never brought it up, but at the same time he doesn't maintain eye contact with me all that much either.

It is once again cookie season and this morning I noticed my son had left half of a Thin Mint on the kitchen table.  I decided to maintain Pie Hole Control. Grabbing the cookie, I raced to the front door, swung it open and tossed the little bastard cookie outside. Only it landed on our front walk.  I did what any normal person would do, I walked outside, picked up the cookie and and in mid-throw something caught the corner of my eye.

My neighbor, walking his dog.  I'm confident he saw me. Especially since this time I was wearing these.  But I don't care because I am also confident the next time I throw those little bastards cookies onto my front lawn, my PJ's will be really baggy on me.


Stimey said...

He probably wonders why you keep throwing cookies at him.

Throwing them in the yard wouldn't do it for me. I'd have to crumble them up into the trash. Or run the hose over them.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Is he really thin? Maybe he thinks you are trying to feed him.

Road Trip Mom - said...

Devra, It was SO liberating to feel those cookies flying through the yard while on the phone with you!! And as a Girl Scout Leader, I even endorsed your launch. Better a launch than a lunch!

And why does this remind me of the time I was leaving the grocery store with you on the phone with me? We were chatting away and as I was getting into my minivan, I noticed a man loading groceries into the back of it. It was then that I realized it was NOT my minivan.

I was lucky he didn't trow any cookies at me!


Road Trip Mom - said...

Let's go to Samoa in the South Pacific and bring those people all the rest of your cookies!

jackieblue said...

Thought of you as I pawned off all of the Reese's peanut butter-related goodies my kids got at the neighborhood egg hunt on anyone who would either eat them immediately or take them to another house. I may have some impressive willpower, but peanut butter eggs in my own home? Not a good plan. I didn't even have to throw them at anyone.

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