I Can't Handle the Truth

Wow.

I finally found a diet plan that seems to be working for me.

Drink less beer, eat less food and exercise.

The truth sucks.

If All of My Friends Jumped Off of a Bridge...

Yes Mom, if all of my friends jumped off a bridge I would too.

And THAT is why I am one day three of Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred.

It is also why my shoulders hurt.

It is only a twenty minute work out. I thought "Well, hell. I can do anything for 20 minutes."

I was mistaken. It really hurts.

But for as much as I hate my life while I am doing it, and as much as I know I am only on level one and I have a grave fear of levels two and three, I know that after only two days I can already feel that my abs are tighter.

Sure, there is still a huge layer of fat blocking my awesome ab muscles but maybe that will magically disappear somewhere around day 7.

No?

Either way, I think I am really going to try to stick with it.

For any of you doing the workouts too, you know Natalie? I want my body to look like hers.

I did take pictures right before my first workout, but mercifully my camera battery charger has gone missing and so I am unable to post a picture of myself in work out clothes at this juncture.

Maybe I'll find it closer to day 15.

_


Cross-Posted at Sarah and the Goon Squad.

I Got My Cardio the Old Fashioned Way

I know, you are thinking I stole my cardio, but it isn't the case at all.

I earned it.

It wasn't on a treadmill or at aerobics class either.

I had these wonderful plans about getting on my elliptical this morning or talking a long walk. See, I finished most of my writing deadlines yesterday so I knew I had three free hours this morning while my kids were at preschool.

(Well, two hours once you subtract all of the time it takes schleping them to and from school, but you know what I mean.)

And then it happened.

I got called in to sub.

My kids go to a cooperative pre-school. This means that every day there is a parent helping out in the classroom. It also means that when a teacher gets sick a parent is called in to substitute.

Today was my day.

It was actually a pretty nice day outside. It was in the high 40s and it was sunny but there was still snow on the playground.

I pulled children in a huge circle around the playground for 40 minutes straight. I kid you not. There was a line.

I ran. I walked. I pulled. I lifted.

I began to sweat.

I did this for 40 minutes.

That was four hours ago and I am starting to get sore and I need a nap, but I burned calories and I made friends with a bunch of four year olds.

(It was like a parallel universe to the exercise I got on Monday when I shoveled my driveway. On Monday my own four year olds accused me of playing in the snow wrong and not pulling them on the sled enough. I maintained that I would much rather pull them on the sled but I had to shovel the driveway or it would turn to ice and we would break our necks trying to leave the house which is much more painful than the emotional trauma of having to make snow angels for 45 minutes.)

So that was my cardio for the day.

How about you?

Just Another Manic Monday

Tomorrow is The Day many of us who are trying to lose weight are all too familiar with; Monday. It's the day when most of us try to make good on the promises we made the previous week to exercise more in the coming week, to begin again on the food plan, to commit to writing down everything we eat, to eat more vegetables, drink the recommended daily amount for water and to remember to take our vitamins. It's the day we love to hate and I hate that about Monday.

Tomorrow is a new day people!

After years of thinking Monday had some magical power to help me change bad habits or develop healthier ones I have instead chosen to channel my high school biology teacher Mr. Combs who always told us in his heavy southern accent, "You can change yer mind if you have one." I've done changed my mind about Monday.

Mondays will no longer represent a monumental difference in the way I do anything. No. I've decided making Monday promises to myself is self-defeating. I'm not sure why I break my own promises, I have excellent intentions, the actions just aren't living up to them. I am steadfast in keeping promises I make to others. I just can't seem to keep promises I make to myself. Essentially I have decided Mondays are a mind fuck. I've spent enough time screwing around with Monday and I think the time has come for me to play the field more, pay more attention to the rest of the days of the week. So...

Come Monday I'll be feeling alright.

But officer, all I had was a small slice of pepperoni. Honest!

My son made this pizza. From scratch. All by himself. I had to eat it. Right? No, not right. I could have had just a piece and not the entire thing. After all a piece of it will taste just the same as the rest of it. I don't drink an entire bottle of wine at one sitting yet I feel compelled to eat an entire pint of icecream all at once.

In fact, now that I think about it some more, I am amazingly cautious about having even a glass of wine if I know I will be driving in an hour. I NEVER risk having even the slightest amount of booze in my body before I get behind the wheel of a car.

Ooh- Ooh-Oooh!

What if I pretend I could get pulled over by law enforcement and arrested for overeating? Maybe the next time I go out for dinner I could try to have this kind of a conversation:

Waiter: Would you like to see our dessert menu?

Me: No,thank you. Really. I can't. I'm driving tonight. I don't want to leave here and get into my car with chocolate on my breath. It's not worth the risk.

My New Favortie Scapegoat

This has nothing to do with my eating (or beer drinking) habit.

I have gained all this weight because I caught the fat virus.


I no longer need diet or exercise, I just need some antibiotics or something.




ps - This isn't me. My belly is way bigger than this.

(found this link on Happy Meals and Happy Hour)

The Update - Sort Of

Last week I told you that I started an over the counter cleanse program and I would let you know how it went.

Well, I am reporting back, but I doubt it is any sort of answer you were looking for.

I took the pills for two day and very little changed except I got a headache.

Then I got a cold.

I seriously doubt the two are related, but either way I stopped taking it.

On the upside, I lost two pounds.

I credit the cold medicine.