My New Favortie Scapegoat

This has nothing to do with my eating (or beer drinking) habit.

I have gained all this weight because I caught the fat virus.


I no longer need diet or exercise, I just need some antibiotics or something.




ps - This isn't me. My belly is way bigger than this.

(found this link on Happy Meals and Happy Hour)

The Update - Sort Of

Last week I told you that I started an over the counter cleanse program and I would let you know how it went.

Well, I am reporting back, but I doubt it is any sort of answer you were looking for.

I took the pills for two day and very little changed except I got a headache.

Then I got a cold.

I seriously doubt the two are related, but either way I stopped taking it.

On the upside, I lost two pounds.

I credit the cold medicine.

If I tell her it's Quaker, she may get even more confused.

Last night my mother called from Connecticut. She had a question for me. "Are you going into DC for the inauguration?" What follows is my unedited answer and the conversation which followed:

Me: No, we're not going into DC. I think it will be too chaotic. Just the idea of going reminds me of what it felt like to attend the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade when I was little and had to peek through people's legs to watch the floats and marching bands. It's not like I've really gotten that much taller either. I don't think a grown woman peeking through the legs of others would be appropriate, even if it is to watch a presidential inaugaration.

Mom: Are you going to watch it at your house?

Me: We're inviting a few people over to watch history from Sarah's house. And we won't even have to cook. Balducci's is our caterer.

Mom: What did you say about Jesus?

Me: Nothing. I didn't say anything about Jesus.

Mom: Oh I thought you said something about Jesus and catering.

Me: Contrary to what you may have thought you heard, Jesus is not our personal caterer, it's Balducci's.

If you want to check in on our Tuesday morning gathering we will be tweeting it and possibly Ustreaming too. More details can be found here!

Pardon My French

Trying to start a diet when you are PMS'ing like crazy is a fucking waste of time.

Here Goes Nothing

I have no idea what my problem is. I keep gaining weight. I am starting to get desperate. I freaked out. I went to the drug store and just picked something off of the shelf.

To be completely honest my main reason for choosing this product was because there wasn't on anything on the package indicating "oily gassy discharge".

This morning 185.5.

I'll report back in a week. (or less if something really amazing happens)

Here goes nothing.

Come Out, Come Out Where Ever You Are

It is delurking day.

Please come out and say hi. Or tell us your favorite healthy snack. Or tell us your favorite unhealthy snack. Just comment just for this one day.

Winning can of coffee isn't as popular as winning a Wii Fit? C'mon, it could be.

Sarah and Laurel*have entered the photo contest to win a can of Louisiana coffee. Right now the competition is fierce. They are both posting pics like madwomen!

Are you going to let one of these two take what I know is rightfully yours? Contest will end on Wednesday January 13, 2009. Think about it, maybe you didn't win the Wii Fit and you are bitter, well so is the coffee! Plus, you don't need to put on sneakers to use the coffee.

*Laurel doesn't even drink real coffee. She drinks what I refer to as "Cajun Sludge." Feh!

Sarah, you better get going. I'm way ahead of you.

Sarah is using her elliptical.

Big deal .

I've been using my elliptical for months.

Sarah is starting out at 20 minutes a day. I am already doing at least 8 hours a day.

The gauntlet has been thrown.

What Went Into Devra's Pie Hole Today (and a chance to win a can of coffee)

Welcome to Day Two. I think I did fairly well yesterday, maybe not so healthy with my choices of what went into my pie hole, but with updating my post about what went into my pie hole. I also think I did demonstrate an increased ability of what my friend Laurel and her sister refer to as "Pie Hole Control" or PHC. For example, I limited my intake of Jelly Belly's to two fist fulls instead of just the entire bag. I say that's progress people. Just nod and smile if you don't agree. Humor me.

I haven't had breakfast yet. I am still having coffee made with 1 tablespoon of Fat Free Half & Half and 4 Splenda. Same brand of coffee as yesterday. When I switch to a different coffee/brand I will name drop for you. So until you see differently, I'm supporting Louisiana based businesses who are still recovering from Hurricane Katrina.

Now that I think about it, I have also made progress in the fact I picked a coffee company to support and as opposed to spending coin buying beignet mix. Lord knows I have stuffed enough of those into my pie hole during my lifetime.

Finally, this picture I am using does not thrill me. I'd like to use the same picture for my daily post. Feel free to send me one you think I should use. If I use it? I'll send you a can of Luzianne Coffee.

A New Start

For a while I was doing so well.

Devra and I were going to see Vionna twice a week. I was getting stronger.

I had only lost a few pounds, but I was going in the right direction.

I'm not sure what happened. I got really busy with life: preschool, blogging, my new jobs, holiday stress...

To make a long story short. All that progress went straight to hell in a handbasket. I gained back all the weight I had lost and then some.

I don't even like seeing pictures of myself because I have gained weight in my face.

Well. that was the bad news.

The good news is this - yesterday I did 20 minutes on my elliptical and today I will do 20 more.


I am sick of this self-loathing.

I realize now that driving to Bethesda twice a week when my kids only have half days of school four days a week doesn't work for me. It was far too stressful. But this doesn't mean I can't work with Vionna in a new capacity. She will give us assignments and Devra and I will do them and then check in with her about once a month.

It is a new year and a new start. I am ready to go.

Who is with me?

I lost 5 Pounds. Happy Flu Year!

2009 came in with most of our family in one of our three bathrooms. While most people were ringing in the New Year, we were worshipping the porcelain god. The result of which was the ball dropped as did 5 pounds. But I know that kind of loss-for me, not the ball-won't be permanent. In an effort to keep as much of that loss as possible, I have decided to keep a food journal. This isn't anything new, in fact successful weightlosers have done this for years. I've just attempted it periodically and failed. However, I'm going to try it again. Just differently. And maybe, just maybe I will be successful and even lose some more El Bees.

I'm going to post every single I put into my pie hole. Certainly it will be riveting to read; You'll laugh, you'll cry, you will scream, "What the hell is she putting in her pie hole?" I will be a prolific name dropper of products. Not because I'm on the take or shilling, but because I know when I read "chicken with vegetables" I think "yawn" and I'm not inspired at all to eat that myself. But if I read, "sauteed chicken with Lipton's Vegetable soup mix, diced water chestnuts, 1/3 fat philly cream cheese and doctored up with 1/4 cup white wine, fresh garlic and seasonings" that sounds like something I might be willing to try to make myself. Truth be told, that is just what we had for dinner last night. It was a *safe* meal and I am happy to report it stayed where it was supposed to stay. No one in my family revisited the meal hours later. But enough about our Flu year. Moving on...

Every day I will post everything going into my pie hole. It will be one post a day which I will update as more goes into my mouth and down the hatch. So without further ado, here is the first post of

"What Went Into Devra's Pie Hole"
Breakfast (that's right, I am trying to eat breakfast.) Quaker Oats Low Sugar Apple and Cinnamon Instant Oatmeal made with water. 2 cups of Luzianne coffee. Each made with a tablespoon of fat free half and half and 4 packets of Splenda.(Those of you who are coffee purists like my mother, I apologize for my bastardization of your beloved.)

Lunch: 3/4 cup white rice, leftover Chinese food; exactly three pieces of tangerine beef. 2/3 cup Breyer's Natural Chocolate ice cream. 1 12 oz cup of Crystal Light Decaf Iced Tea.

Snack: two fistfulls (but keep in mind I have hands the size of a 9 year old) of Jelly Belly's. 8 Reduced Fat Ritz Crackers. Diet 7 Up. Obviously I am not completely rid of the flu and I am not completely committed to eating healthy either. But this is about trying to nail down a routine of writing down EVERYTHING I eat. Once I have established that habit, then I will work on the part about WHAT I am eating. Dont' judge. It makes sense to me. And in order for me to do this, I think it needs to make sense to me first. Make sense?

Dinner: The chicken dish I mentioned previously. We have leftovers. Although my tummy isn't feeling so hot, so I'm not eating it. I'm not hungry. Who knew Jelly Belly's and Ritz crackers could be so filling? Maybe I'll have some rice or some more Ritz Reduced Fat Crackers and skip the Jelly Belly's this time around.

This is Going to Make Weight Watchers A LOT Easier