Thursday, May 22, 2008

We need to do something.

And it is I. Devra from Parentopia. It's been 6 months since I wrote a post about how I want to be in shape. I even contacted Vibram and asked if they would send me a pair of their Vibram Five Fingers because someone made a comment on that post recommending what I refer to as "toe shoes." Vibram sent me the shoes (they also sent a pair to Aviva). I must admit, that as hideous as I thought they looked*, they actually are very comfortable and I do wear them. Have I worn them on my elliptical yet? Ummmmm. No. But I did wear them to a party. They were a tremendous hit.

I also wore them today when I met Vionna. We were going over so much during the time we were with Vionna, I never got to explain my footwear. On Thursday can someone remind me to tell her why I was wearing toe shoes? She didn't say anything to me about the shoes, but she did inquire, "Do you have regular exercise shoes?" I don't think I've ever used "regular" and "exercise" in the same sentence. Ever. I'll also have to tell her how much I hate tying shoes. Then maybe she'll give me a pass to wear the toe shoes.

Here are some highlights of our meeting with Vionna:

Vionna gave each of us a pole so we could hold it up over our head and then complete an overhead squat test. I seized this opportunity to use the pole to demonstrate for Sarah a flag twirling routine I learned in high school. (Yes, I was a flag twirler in high school. I was dyslexic and left handed. It wasn't pretty. Don't tell my mother, it would burst her bubble because she thinks I was a soloist in the half-time show. Shhhh. I only did the twirling thing so I could go on the band trip to Florida every year.)

Neither Sarah nor I were able to find our own pulse prior to the Step Test. Sarah maintained that she might, in fact, be dead. I held strong to my belief I may be a true descendant of a Zombie. As Sarah and I debated our mortality, a woman walked by us and blew both our theories to bits, "You are both definitely alive." Then Vionna made us do the step test anyway.

After the step test, Sarah and I felt like dying. On the "up" side, I found my pulse racing throughout my body and heard my own heart beating in my ears.

Vionna took our body measurements. While I didn't add the numbers from my arm, waist and hips, I wouldn't be surprised at all if they added up to be 360, proving once and for all that I am in shape. Round.

Vionna gave us a nifty notebook in which to keep track of what we are eating and how we do on the days we aren't meeting with Vionna.

So today begins a significant change for Sarah and me. Two losers who hope to win the battle of the bulge.

*Note to you single women seeking male companionship, these are the shoes I would wear to meet men. Seriously. They are. True story, I walked into an elevator wearing these shoes and this really hot guy made eye contact with me and implored, "You must tell me where you got those shoes!" Had I been single, I would have brought him home with me. If you want one like him, you're going to want to get you some toe shoes. Trust me on this.


Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I maintain that I may in fact be a zombie.

Devra said...

I'm beginning to think that woman at the gym was just being a shit disturber, and yes, we are indeed the Undead.

Cate said...

You guys are too funny.

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